Favourite Joke

"Happy Mothers Day
 

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   This story of mother's day is the story of firm determination of a daughter,
Anna Jarvis who resolved to pay tribute to her mother, Mrs. Anna M Jarvis and
all other mothers of the world.
 
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;  Mother's Day originated during the era of ancient Greeks and Romans for Rhea,
the mother of Gods, which was celebrated as 'Mothering Sunday' on fourth Sunday in Lent.
It was Julia Ward Howe and Anna Jarvis who campaigned for nationally recognized mother's day
and finally succeeded for celebrating on second Sunday in may since 1914.
 
    & nbsp;   &n bsp; And mother's day is celebrated over 46 countries (0n different dates).
 
 
Mother's Day Date in Different Countries

United States: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Australia: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Belgium: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Brazil: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Canada: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Denmark: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Finland: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Germany: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Greece: Second Sunday in the month of May.

India: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Italy: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Japan: Second Sunday in the month of May.

New Zealand: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Singapore: Second Sunday in the month of May.

Turkey: Second Sunday in the month of May.

United Kingdom/England: Mother's Day is called Mothering Sunday and falls on the fourth Sunday in Lent.

France: First Sunday in June or last Sunday in May

Much of South America (as well as Mexico), Bahrain, Malaysia, Oman, Pakistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates: May 10

Mexico: - Thursday, May 10

Albania: - March 8

Russia: - November 28

 Poland: - May 26

Indonesia: - December 22

Egypt: - March 21

Norway: - Tuesday, February 13

Thailand: Birthday of Queen Sirikit Kitiyakara - Sunday, August 12

Sweden: Last Sunday in May

Lebanon: First day of Spring

Norway: The second Sunday in February

Austria, Hong Kong, Netherlands, Taiwan, Hungary, Portugal, South Africa, Spain: First Sunday in May

Antwerp (Belgium), Costa Rica: Assumption day - August 15

Argentina: The Día de la Madre - The second or third Sunday in October

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Do not stay late night in office

It's half past 8  in the office

but  the lights are still on...

PCs still running,

coffee machines still buzzing...

and who's at work?

Most of them???

Take a closer look...

All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...

Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...

and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!

Any guesses???

Let's ask one of them...

Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to

surf, AC, phone, food, coffee ?

thats is why I am working late... importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and other

off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office

just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...

Now what r the consequences... read on?

"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute

or company culture.  With bosses more than eager to provide support to those

"working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course

good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).

They aren't helping things too...

To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!

Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.

So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family...

office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts...

because u start having commitments at home too.

For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early

leaver" even if u leave an hour after regulartime... after doing the same

amount of work.  People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day

are labeled as work-shirkers...

Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it".

All the while, the  bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not

realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never

realize that they wuld have to regret at one point of time .

So what's the moral of the story??

o          Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!

o          Never put in extra time " *unless really needed *"

o         & nbsp;  Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.

There are hundred other things to do in the evening..

Learn music... Learn a foreign language... try a sport...

TT, cricket.........importantly Get a boy/girl friend  take him/her around town...

And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time

low  (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.

Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: "Life's calling, where are you?"

Please pass on this message to all those colleagues....

And please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!

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Conversation  With   GOD
=========================

God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in
the midst of something..
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.

Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.

Me: I understand. But I still cant figure it out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.

Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.

Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit.That's why you are not happy.

Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.

Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.

Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.

Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to)Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..
God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.

Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Me: What surprises you about people?
God: when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me". Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want
to be on the side of the truth.

Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.

Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve.

Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live....

------------------------- ------------------------- ----------
 " DON'T EXPECT A GREAT DAY....
    & nbsp;   ...  MAKE ONE..."

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A friend is someone who understands and
someone you can trust.
They will listen to you both night and day without ever making a fuss.
A friend will stand by your side when you are right and sometimes when you are wrong.
They will hold you up when you are weak and provide support to make you strong.
A friend's love is unconditional and unique in every way.
And when you have problems a true friend will kneel with you and pray.
A friend will stand by your side through thick and thin.
And whenever everyone have deserted you they still will be your friend.
A friend once said to me that a friend is sent from God above and I believe this to be true.
Because God has sent a friend to me and that friend to me is YOU.
 
Have a nice day!!!!!!!!

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sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
************ ********* ********* ***

On Jeeto's bdaySardar had no money,
so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said:
Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
************ ********* ********* ****

teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
************ ********* ********* *****

Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
************ ********* ********* ****

Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
************ ********* ********* *****

Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.
************ ********* ********* ***

A Sardar enters shop shouts,
Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab � ?o
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
************ ********* ********* *****

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Hi frndzz.. some facts for u all..

1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions.

2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. Hi All,

5. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

6. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

7.Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

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college life is like RELIANCE(kar lo duniya mutti mein)

bachelor life is like airtel(aisi aazadi aur kahan)

aftr engagement its IDEA(it can change ur life)

marriage life like HUTCH(whereever u go our network follows)

aftr kids its BSNL(all lines in this route r busy,pls try aftr some time)

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Who you know you are

Many of the good and valuable things you do will go unnoticed by everyone else. Do them anyway, because you will know.

Many of the contributions you make will not be fully appreciated by others. Make them anyway, because they're the right things to do.
It's great when you receive recognition for the work you do and the high standards you maintain. Yet even when there is no possibility of recognition, there is still plenty of reason to give your very best.
Even when no one else is watching, you are watching. Even when no one else appreciates the value of what you're doing, you understand that value.
Your honest, authentic view of yourself influences all that you do. And that view is formed largely during the times when no one is watching.
Be ever true to yourself and to the values you hold dear. Your life is a living expression of who you truly know you are.

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Help.... The Titanic is going to be drowned.... Everybody in the ship is shouting,crying, running or praying to God... Just then an Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. Italian : How far is land, from here ? Sardarji : Two miles .. Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again. Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here? Sardarji : Downwards......

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Its nice to be IMPORTANT... But it's Important to be NICE...

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Add kindness

Whatever can be done, can be done more effectively when you add kindness to it. Whatever is said, becomes much more convincing when expressed with genuine kindness.
The kindness in just one moment can have a positive impact that lasts for years and years. Kindness is a gift that keeps giving for a lifetime.
Kindness is not complicated, and it comes naturally when you open your heart to life. Kindness brings new light and hope to the darkest of days.
Act with kindness, and you will have no regrets. Kindness is an easy, modest investment that pays generous dividends in the sense of fulfillment it brings.
Kindness dissolves the pain and speeds the healing. When logic and reason say there is no hope, kindness can pave the way forward.
This day will be brighter when you add kindness to it. Choose kindness, and you're truly choosing to live in a better world.

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A positive start

Energize your life by starting each day with gratitude. When you wake up, before you do anything else, stop and count your blessings. Then find something special about each day for which you can be thankful.
It's s great way to get each day started on a positive note, and it can make a major difference throughout the day. Actively practicing gratitude on a regular basis will keep you in touch with the very best of your possibilities. It will enable you to see opportunities and utilize resources which may otherwise have remained hidden or forgotten.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude will keep you connected to the things of value in your life. So in a very real sense it will add value to each moment of the day.
There are many good things in your life. It makes sense to fully appreciate and enjoy them. When you do, those positive things will grow even stronger. Begin each day by counting your many blessings. By so doing you'll attract many more.

Energize your life by starting each day with gratitude. When you wake up, before you do anything else, stop and count your blessings. Then find something special about each day for which you can be thankful. It's s great way to get each day started on a positive note, and it can make a major difference throughout the day. Actively practicing gratitude on a regular basis will keep you in touch with the very best of your possibilities. It will enable you to see opportunities and utilize resources which may otherwise have remained hidden or forgotten. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude will keep you connected to the things of value in your life. So in a very real sense it will add value to each moment of the day. There are many good things in your life. It makes sense to fully appreciate and enjoy them. When you do, those positive things will grow even stronger. Begin each day by counting your many blessings. By so doing you'll attract many more.

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Positive experience  

The best response to a negative experience is to create a positive experience. Instead of fighting against life's misfortunes, transform them into useful and worthwhile value.
When things go wrong, you have a choice. You can wallow in self pity or you can seize the opportunity for self improvement.
In every disappointment there is the seed of fulfillment. In every weakness there is the seed of strength.
Problems and difficulties provide reliable pathways to achievement. There is value to be gained from every experience when you choose to see that value and to bring it about.
You never have to be the victim of random circumstance, or of any other circumstance for that matter. For instead of choosing to be the victim, you can always choose to make a positive difference.
Life is often unfair, and comes to you in ups and downs, but that doesn't really matter. For you are free to make of it whatever you choose.

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Choose to be inspired  

Envy is worse than a waste of time. For when you hold on to thoughts of envy, you are actively holding yourself back.
Envy builds a wall between you and the abundance that could otherwise be yours. Envy can drain you of your best possibilities.
Do you ever resent it when someone else has acquired or achieved or experienced some particular thing and you have not? If so, then your envy actually makes your own situation worse.
Instead of being envious about the good fortune of others, be genuinely thankful for it. That instantly puts you in a much better position to create similar good fortune in your own life.
When you celebrate the achievements of others, you connect yourself in a positive and empowering way to life's abundance. When you choose to be inspired, your eyes will open to many more valuable and positive possibilities.
Be truly thankful for the success that you see around you. And that success will soon become your own.

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A story tells that two friends were walking
through the desert. During some
point of the journey they had an argument, and
one friend slapped the other one in the face


The one who got slapped was hurt,
but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE



They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.




The friend who had slapped and
saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the
sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?" The other friend replied "When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But,
when someone
does something good for us, we must engrave

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“Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution”

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संता- अरे यार तुम्हारे सिर पर पट्टी क्यों बंधी हुई है ? बंता-मेरी महबूबा ने फूल फेंककर मारा था। संता- क्या यार फूल से इतनी चोट लगती है भला ? बंता-उसने गुलदान से फूल तोड़ने की जहमत नही उठाई। सेक्रेटर� �� का इंतजार अध्यापक ने कक्षा में छात्रों से कहा, मान लो तुम किसी बहुत बड़ी कंपनी के मैनेजर हो। इस पर एक निबंध लिखो। एक छात्र को चुपचाप बैठे देखकर अध्यापक ने उससे पूछा, तुम क्यों वही लिख रहे हो? मैं अपनी सेक्रेटर� �� का इंतजार कर रहा हूं। छात्र ने बड़े रौब से उत्तर दिया।

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FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then
give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

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FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then
give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

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1 Comments

Indian Stock Exchange again in upward direction. Nifty reaches near to 6K ( 6000 mark), while BSE again hit 20K mark ( 20,000)

This may be due to US Federal Reserve cut interest rate by 25 basis points. And this is the second rate cut this year ( according to some sources). Abd due to this reason ( may be ) FIIs money inflow in the Indian market, a factor to increase in Indian stock exchange.

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Today ( 29th October 2007 ) BSE creates a new history of Indian stocjk exchange. Reaches 20000 mark, a record high and Indian rupee once again became stronger with respect to US Dollar. A new milestone created today. BSE Sensex - 20,024.87 ( New High)

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Bomaby Stock Exchange reached 19200 mark, amazing !!!!.

After new participatory note ( PN) comes to check hedge funds and funds of terrorist. Stock exchange is soaring. SEBI clarifies no evidence of terrorist money in stock marker.

And to check hedge funds, permanent registration is made to compulsory earlier renewal it to every three years, not to stop FII activities.

This message has been taken with big hand by investors.

Information here is only for public interest. Information taken from news, and various other sources. If any of content having error/ mistake, you should verify from relevant sources / authority and its authenticity.

Bye Jokebest

 

 

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Indian Economy Creates a New History BSE ( Bombay Stock Exchange) crosses 19000 mark, targeting 20000 amazing !!!!! Rupee closes at record high against US Dollar at 39.31 Indian is best destination to invest money. Indian economy is rising with respect to most of the world economies due to large inflow of foreign currencies to India. India becomes office to world. IT/ITES Services creates amazing wonder, now its time for KPO ( Knowledge Process Outsourciing) like - Biotechnology , Research , and other knowledge processing industry. As in past - first man is creating communication like language, expression. Same happens in terms of IT ( Inforamation Technology). If India rise in terms of IT ( spreading IT to its villages), acquiring more energy capacity (Nuclear , Wind Energy to generate more electricity etc), Provide corruption less services like no beuracracy then Indian economy goes to its full strength.

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 Why Women Cry  

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
 
God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry he! r husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

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Dost Suraj jaisa nahin jo raat ko Chala jaye........
Dost Chand jaisa bhi nahin jo Din mein dikhai na de........
Dost to Anshu jaise hote hain jo khusi aur gum donon mein dikhai dein...................

Jindagi main,
Kuchh lamhe khaas ban gaye,
Mile to mulakat ban gaye,
Bichhade to yaad ban gaye,
Aur jo dil se naa gaye,
Wo aap ban gaye...

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What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ??? 

A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the
cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.

Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...

Senior Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet...

Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch
nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...

naam hai..........,

shohrat hai.........,

paisa hai............

Izzat Hai.............,

tumhare paas kya hai?

Scroll down to find out his answer

Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere

paas Maa hain"

Just Scroll some more..............

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Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....

Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

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1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED. 2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption : Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY 3. Three FASTEST means of Communication : 1. Tele-Phone 2. Tele-Vision 3. Tell to Woman Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE. 4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends. 5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman. Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him. Moral : BE SPECIFIC 6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ? It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends. 7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him. Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR. 8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life. 9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE. Answer : On their MARRIAGE. 10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL. 11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake. 12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein

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Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he Never told a lie. "And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his Entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a Ceiling fan".

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When you are in light, Everything will follow you...... But when you enter dark, Even your shadow will not follow you...... This is LIFE !!!

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Hardwork is like the stairs, luck is like a lift ; Lify may fail sometimes but whatever may be the occassion, stairs will always take you to the TOP

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How do you differentiate between programmers and non-programmers? A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte. A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer. /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club. Somu : public member or private? /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be wrong? Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software. /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ THIS ONE IS TOO GOO D !!! PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees to Suthi..? Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass by value or pass by reference. /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a software engineer... Somu : how do you say that? Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address! /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue? Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is new kind of RAM in the market! /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/ Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive.. Somu : How do you say that? Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea . /*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******/

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7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So they both gather at Pune Station.



Both groups are desperately trying to prove their
superiority.



SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):



------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7
tickets..

Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,

All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes



Away....



NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct
Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger
till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL
to PUNE





SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):



------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------





Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too
are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers
don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..



TC arrives....



ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE
OPPOSITE



ONE..

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors
toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the

ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out
ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined





SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):

------------------------- ----------------

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors
planning their move for last chance, they board the
loc al to Pune.



This time doctors decide that they will play the same
(1 ticket) trick.



ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7
tickets this time...

SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL
train...........



Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are
geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.

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Facts of life which applies to the Salaried People!


Bank Balance

First Week : 10,000

Second Week : 1,000

Third Week : 100

Fourth week : 10




Conveyance

First Week : Auto ("I can afford it")

Second Week : Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")

Third Week : Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")

Fourth week : Walk ("Good for health")




Girl friends

First Week : Eena, Meena, Tina ("I can BUY love")

Second Week : Meena, Tina ("I have enough girl friends")

Third Week : Tina ("I am loyal to her")

Fourth week : "Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"




Mobile Maintenance

First Week : Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")

Second Week : Restricted o! utgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary
traffic on mobile lines")

Third Week : Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent
situations only")

Fourth week : Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she
calls me")


And last....but not the least...




Boozing


First Week : "Come, let's go to Chennai and freak out!"

Second Week : "Man, there is nothing in Chennai. Let's go to pondi."

Third Week : "The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. what
say?"

Fourth week : "Drinking is injurious to health"

__._,_.___

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 Can SEE 'TEA' in A TEA-CUP

Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-
CUP?


I can SING on Any STAGE

Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?


I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in

My PASSPORT

Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO

in a STAMP?


I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your

MOBILE

Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my

ADDRESS?


TRY ALL THIS........ ....

Atleast DO the LAST ONE.

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Internet Slangs/ Slang Translation / Slang Vocublary 

yup - yes!
nope - no..
k - ok
lol - laugh out loud
brb - be right back
bolo - be on the lookout...

AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."
AFAIK — "as far as I know"
AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"
AFK — "away from keyboard"
ASAP — "as soon as possible"
BBL — "be back later"
BBS — "be back soon"
BFD — "big fucking deal"
BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).
BTW — "by the way"
B2B — "Business to Business"
C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.
C|N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"
cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.
CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.
CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.
FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"
FFS — "for fuck's sake!"
FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends
FYI — "for your information"
G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.
GAGF — "go and get fucked"
GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.
GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.
GJ — Good Job
HAND — "have a nice day"
HTH — "hope this helps"
IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.
IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"
IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .
ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know."
IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR
IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"
IMO — "in my opinion"
IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"
IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"
IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.
ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC
IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"
JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"
Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.
JOOC — "just out of curiosity"
k — short for "OK"
l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".
l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )
LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website".
LMAO — "laughing my ass off"
LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)
MYOB — "mind your own business"
NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"
NOYB — "none of your business"
NP — "No Problem"
NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.
NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content
O — "oh"
OIC — "oh, I see"
OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"
OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"
OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"
OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."
OT — "off topic"
OTOH — "on the other hand"
own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).
PFO — "please fuck off"
PITA — "pain in the ass"
PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")
prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)
prolly — contracted form of "probably"
plz — shorthand spelling of "please"
Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )
P2P — Person to Person
qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.
R — shorthand spelling of "are"
RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.
ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).
ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"
r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"
RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.
RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.
RU — Are You?
R8 — right
SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.
STFU — "shut the fuck up"
sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"
TBH — "to be honest"
thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)
TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
TIA — "thanks in advance"
TTYL — "talk to you later"
U — a shorthand spelling of "you"
ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"
w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever
w/o — without
WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"
WTF — "what the fuck?"
YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)
w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team
w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".
X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].
<3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.
2B - To be
4 - for
Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:

cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.
guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration
FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.
flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.
hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.
troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).
lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.
newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).
noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
========================= ===========

a/m - away message

a/s/l - age,sex,location

a/s/l/p - age/sex/location/picture

a/s/l/r - age, sex, location, race

aaaaa - American Assosciation Against Acronym Abuse

aaf - as a friend

aamof - as a matter of fact

aarp - alert, aware, responsible, participate

abend - absent by enforced net deprivation

abt - about

abwt - about

acc - account

acgaf - Absolutely couldn't give a Fuck

ack - acknowledged

addy - address

adn - any day now

afaic - as far as I'm concerned

afaics - as far as I can see

afaict - as far as I can tell

afaik - as far as I know

afair - as far as I recall

afc - away from computer

afcpmgo - away from computer parents may go on

afk - away from keyboard

afkb - away from keyboard

ah - ass hole

ahole - asshole

ai - Artificial Intelligence

aiadw - ALL IN A DAYS WORK

aiamu - and I'm a monkey's uncle

aicmfp - and I claim my five pounds

aight - Alright

aightz - alright

aiic - as if I care

aiight - all right

aim - AOL instant messanger

ain't - am not

aite - Alright

aiui - as I understand it

aiws - as i was saying

ajax - Asynchronous Javascript and XML

aka - also known as

akp - Alexander King Project

akpcep - Alexander King Project Cultural Engineering Project

alot - a lot

alright - all right

alrite - Alright

alryt - alright

amf - adios motherfucker

anim8 - animate

anlsx - Anal Sex

anon - anonymous

anuda - another

anw - anyways

any1 - Anyone

anywaz - anyways

aoe - Age Of Empires

aoto - Amen on that one

aoys - angel on your shoulder

apod - Another Point Of Discussion

ar - are

arnd - around

arse - ass

arsed - bothered

arvo - afternoon

asafp - as soon as fucking possible

asaik - as soon as I know

asap - as soon as possible

asarbambtaa - All submissions are reviewed by a moderator before they are added.

asic - application specific integrated circuit

asl - age, sex, location

aslp - age, sex, location, picture

aslr - age sex location race

aslrp - age, sex, location, race, picture

atm - at the moment

atop - at time of posting

atp - answer the phone

attn - attention

atw - All the way

audy - Are you done yet?

aufm - are you fucking mental

aufsm - are you fucking shiting me

aup - acceptable use policy

avie - Avatar

avsb - a very special boy

avtr - avatar

avy - Avatar

awes - awesome

awk - awkward

awol - absent without leave

ayb - All Your Base

aybab2m - all your base are belong 2 me

aybab2u - All your base are belong to us

aybabtg - All Your Base Are Belong To Google

aybabtu - all your base are belong to us

ayd - are you done

aydy - are you done yet

ayec - at your earliest convenience

ayfk - are you fucking kidding

ayk - are you kidding

aypi - and your point is

aypi? - And Your Point Is?

aysm - are you shitting me?

ayt - are you there

ayte - alright

aytf - are you there fucker

azn - asian

azz - ass
-----------------

bi - bye

b& - banned

b'day - birthday

b-cuz - because

b.s. - bullshit

b/c - because

b/g - background

b/s/l - Bisexual/Straight/Lesbian

b/t - between

b00n - new person

b00t - boot

b1tch - Bitch

b2b - business to business

b3 - be

b4 - before

b4n - bye for now

b4u - before you

b8 - bait

b82rez - Batteries

b8rez - Batteries

bab - Big ass Boobs

babi - baby

baf - bring a friend

baggkyko - be a good girl, keep your knickers on

bah - I don't really care

bai - Bye

bak - back

bamf - bad ass mother fucker

bamofo - bitch ass mother fucker

bau - back at you

bb - bye bye

bb4n - Bye-bye for now

bbbj - Bare Back Blow Job

bbe - baby

bbfn - Bye Bye for now

bbfu - be back for you

bbi - Baby

bbiab - be back in a bit

bbiaf - be back in a few

bbialb - Be back in a little bit

bbiam - be back in a minute

bbias - be back in a second

bbiaw - be back in a while

bbilb - be back in a little bit

bbl - be back later

bbl8a - Be Back Later

bbml - be back much later

bbp - Banned by parents

bbq - be back quick

bbs - be back soon

bbt - be back tomorrow

bbtn - be back tonite

bbvl - Be Back Very Later

bbw - be back whenever

bbwb - best buddy with boobs

bbwl - be back way later

bby - baby

bbz - babes

bc - because

bck - back

bcnu - be seeing you

bcnul8r - be seeing you later

bcoz - Because

bcurl8 - Because you're late.

bcuz - because

bday - birthday

bdfl - Benevolent Dictator For Life

be4 - before

beeoch - bitch

beezy - BITCH

beotch - bitch

betcha - bet you

bettr - better

bewb - boob

bewbs - boobs

bewbz - boobs

bewt - boot

bf - boyfriend

bf4e - best friends for ever

bf4l - best friends for life

bfd - big fucking deal

bfe - Bum Fuck Egypt

bff - best friend forever

bffa - best friends for always

bffae - Best Friends Forever And Ever

bffe - Best friends forever

bffeae - Best Friend For Ever And Ever

bffene - Best Friends For Ever And Ever

bffl - best friends for life

bfftddup - best friends forever till death do us part

bfg - big fucking gun

bfh - bitch from hell

bfhd - big fat hairy deal

bfn - bye for now

bfs - Boyfriends

bft - big fucking tits

bg - background

bhwu - back home with you

biab - back in a bit

biaf - Back In A Few

biatch - bitch

bibi - bye bye

bicbw - but I could be wrong

bilf - brother i'd like to fuck

bilu - baby i love you

bion - Believe it or not.

biotch - bitch

bioya - blow it out your ass

bish - Bitch

biw - boss is watching

biwm - bisexual white male

bizatch - Bitch

bizi - Busy

biznatch - bitch

biznitch - bitch

bizzle - BITCH

bj - blowjob

bk - back

bka - better known as

bl - bad luck

bleme - blog meme

bling-bling - jewelry

blj - blowjob

blkm - Black Male

blnt - Better Luck Next time

blog - web log

blogger - web logger

bm - Bite Me

bm&y - between you and me

bm4l - best mates for life

bmf - be my friend

bmfe - best mates forever

bmfl - best mates for life

bmha - bite my hairy ass

bmttveot - best mates till the very end of time

bn - been

bndm3ovr - Bend me over

bnib - Brand new in Box

bnol - be nice or leave

bnr - banner

bobfoc - Body of Baywatch, Face of Crimewatch

boffum - Both of them

bofh - bastard operator from hell

bogo - buy one get one

bogsatt - bunch of guys sitting around the table

bohic - Bend over here it comes

bohica - bend over, here it comes again

boi - boy

bol - Barking Out Loud

boomm - bored out of my mind

bord - bored

bout - about

bovered - bothered

bowt - about

boxor - box

br - bathroom

brb - be right back

brbbrb - br right back bath room break

brbf - Be Right Back Fucker

brbg2p - be right back, got to pee

brbmf - be right back mother fucker

brbts - be right back taking shit

brd - bored

brh - be right here

bro - brother

bros - brothers

brt - be right there

bruhh - Brother

bruva - brother

bruz - brothers

bs - bullshit

bsmfh - Bastard System Manager From Hell

bsod - blue screen of death

bsomn - blowing stuff out my nose

bsxc - be sexy

bt - bit torrent

btcn - Better than Chuck Norris

btd - bored to death

btdt - been there done that

btdtgtts - Been there, done that, got the T-shirt

btias - Be there in a second

btsoom - Beats The Shit Out Of Me

bttt - been there, tried that

btw - by the way

btwn - between

bty - back to you

bubar - bushed up beyond all recognition

bubi - bye

budzecks - butt sex

buhbi - Bye Bye

bur - pussy

burma - be undressed ready my angel

buszay - busy

but6 - buttsex

butsecks - butt sex

butterface - every thing is hot but her face

bwpwap - back when Pluto was a planet

bwt - but when though

byeas - good-bye

byes - bye bye

bykt - But you knew that

byob - Bring your own Beer

byoc - bring our own computer

bytabm - beat you to a bloody mess

bz - busy

bzzy - busy
-----------

c 2 c - cam to cam (webcams)

c&c - Command and Conquer

c-p - sleepy

c.y.a - cover your ass

c/b - comment back

c/t - can't talk

c2 - come to

c2c - care to chat?

c2tc - cut to the chase

c4ashg - care for a shag

cancer stick - cigarette

cawk - Cock

cb - come back

cba - can't be arsed

cbb - can't be bothered

cbf - cant be fucked

cbi - can't believe it

ccl - Couldn't Care Less

cd9 - Code 9 (other people nearby)

celly - cell phone

cex - sex

cexy - sexy

cfas - care for a secret?

cfm - come fuck me

cg - Congratulations

char - character

chilax - chill and relax in one word

chillin - relaxing

chk - check

chronic - marijuana

chut - pussy

cid - consider it done

cig - cigarette

cigs - cigarettes

cihswu - can i have sex with you

cis - computer information science

cless - clanless

cluebie - clueless newbie

cm - call me

cma - Cover My Ass

cmb - comment me back

cmcp - call my cell phone

cmh - Call My House

cmiiw - correct me if I'm wrong

cmitm - Call me in the morning

cml - call me later

cmliuw2 - call me later if you want to

cmomc - call me on my cell

cmon - Come on

cmplcdd - complicated

cms - content management system

cn - can

cnc - Command and Conquer

cod - Call of Duty

code 29 - moderator is watching

code 8 - parents are watching

code 9 - Parents are watching

code9 - other people near by

cof - Crying on the floor

coiwta - come on i wont tell anyone

col - crying out loud

comp - Computer

compy - computer

congrats - congratulations

convo - conversation

coo - cool

cood - could

cos - because

cowboy choker - cigarette

coz - because

cpl - Cyber Athlete Professional League

cpm - cost per 1000 impressions

crazn - crazy asian

crm - customer relationship management

crp - crap

crs - can't remember shit

crunk - combination of crazy and drunk

cs - Counter-Strike

cs:s - Counter-Strike: Source

csl - can't stop laughing

ct - can't talk

ctc - call the cell

ctf - capture the flag

ctm - chuckle to myself

ctn - can't talk now

ctpc - cant talk parent(s) coming

ctrn - can't talk right now

cts - change the subject

ctt - change the topic

cu - goodbye

cu46 - see you for sex

cubi - can you believe it

cud - could

cuic - see you in class

cul - see you later

cul83r - See you later

cul8er - see you later

cul8r - See You Later

cunt - vagina

cuom - see you on monday

cuple - couple

cut3 - cute

cuwul - catch up with you later

cuz - because

cvq - chucking very quietly

cwmaos - coffee with milk and one sugar

cwot - complete waste of time

cwyl - chat with ya later

cya - goodbye

cyal - see you later

cyb - cyber

cybseckz - cyber sex

cye - Close Your Eyes

cyff - change your font, fucker

cyl - see you later

cyl,a - see ya later, alligator

cylbd - catch ya later baby doll

cylor - check your local orhtodox rabbi

cym - check your mail

cyu - see you

c|n>k - coffee through nose into keyboard
----------------

d.w - don't worry

d/c - disconnected

d/l - download

d/w - don't worry

d00d - dude

d2 - Diablo 2

d8 - date

da - the

dafs - do a fucking search

dah - dumb as hell

damhik - don't ask me how I know

damhikt - don't ask me how I know this

dass - dumb ass

dat - that

dawg - Friend

db - database

db4l - drinking buddy for life

dbafwtt - Dont Be A Fool Wrap The Tool

dbg - dont be gay

dc - don't care

dc'd - disconnected

dcw - Doing Class Work

dd - don't die

ddg - Drop Dead Gorgeous

ddl - direct download

ddr - dance dance revolution

def - definitely

defs - definetly

degmt - Don't Even Give Me That

dem - them

der - there

dernoe - I don't know

detai - don't even think about it

dewd - Dude

dey - they

df - Dumb Fuck

dfo - dumb fucking operator

dftc - down for the count

dfu - don't fuck up

dfw/m - Don't Fuck with Me

dfwm - Don't Fuck with Me

dgaf - don't give a fuck

dgara - don't give a rats ass

dgms - Don't get me started

dgt - don't go there

dh - dickhead

diaf - die in a fire

dic - do i care

dick - penis

diez - dies

diff - difference

dikhed - dickhead

diku - do i know you

dil - Daughter in law

dilf - dad i'd like to fuck

dillic - Do I look like I care

dillifc - do I look like I fucking care

dilligad - do I look like I give a damn

dilligaf - do I look like I give a fuck

dilligas - do i look like i give a shit

din - didn't

din't - didn't

dirl - Die in real life

dis - this

dit - Details in Thread

diy - do it yourself

dju - did you

dk - don't know

dkdc - don't know, don't care

dl - download

dlf - dropping like flies

dln - don't look now

dm - deathmatch

dmba* - dumbass

dmu - don't mess up

dmwm - don't mess with me

dmy - don't mess yourself

dn - don't know

dnd - Do Not Disturb

dno - don't know

dnrtfa - did not read the fucking article

dnt - dont

doa - dead on arrival

dob - date of birth

dod - Day of Defeat

dogg - friend

doin - doing

don - denial of normal

doncha - Don't you

dont - don't

dontcha - don't you

dood - dude

doodz - dudes

dos - denial of service

dotc - dancing on the ceiling

doypov - depends on your point of view

dp - display picture

dqydj - don't quit your day job

dsided - decided

dsu - don't screw up

dt - double team

dta - Dont Trust Anyone

dtp - Don't Type Please

dttm - dont talk to me

dttml - dont talk to me loser

dttpou - Don't tell the police on us

dttriaa - don't tell the RIAA

du2h - damn you to hell

dun - don't

dunno - I don't know

dvda - double vaginal, double anal

dw - don't worry

dwb - Driving while black

dwbi - Don't worry about it.

dwmt - don't waste my time

dwt - don't wanna talk

dwy - don't wet yourself

dy2h - damn you to hell

dycotfc - do you cyber on the first chat

dyec - Dont You Ever Care

dyk - did you know

dylm - do you love me

dylos - do you like oral sex

dynm - do you know me

dyt - Don't you think

dyw2gwm - do you want to go with me

dywtmusw - do you want to meet up some where
-------------------
e-ok - Electronically OK

e.g. - example

ead - eat a dick

ebitda - earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization

ecf - error carried forward

eejit - idiot

ef - Fuck

ef-ing - fucking

efct - effect

efffl - extra friendly friends for life

effin - fucking

effing - Fucking

eg - evil grin

eh? - I'm done talking now, it's your turn.

ehlp - help

eil - explode into laughter

el!t - elite

ello - hello

em - them

emo - emotional

emp - eat my pussy

enit - isn't it

enof - enough

enuf - enough

enuff - enough

eob - End of Business

eod - End of day

eof - end of file

eom - end of message

eos - end of story

eot - end of transmission

eotw - end of the world

epa - Emergency Parent Alert

eq - Everquest

eq2 - Everquest2

ere - here

errythin - everything

esad - eat shit and die

esadyffb - eat shit and die you fat fucking bastard

esbm - Everyone sucks but me

esl - eat shit loser

eta - Estimated Time of Arrival

etla - extended three letter acronym

etmda - Explain it to my dumb ass

eula - end user license agreement

ev1 - everyone

eva - ever

evaa - ever

evercrack - Everquest

every1 - everyone

evn - even

evry1 - every one

ex-bf - Ex-Boy Friend

ex-gf - Ex-Girl Friend

exp - experience

eyez - eyes

ez - Easy

ezi - easy

-----------------
f u - fuck you

f#cking - Fucking

f.u. - fuck you

f/o - fuck off

f00k - Fuck.

f2f - face to face

f2p - free to play

f2t - Free to talk

f4c3 - face

f4eaa - friends fore