STRUGGLE
04.18.09 (9:52 am) [edit]
STRUGGLE
Trials in life can be tragedies or triumphs, depending on how we handle them. Triumphs
don't come without effort.
A biology teacher was teaching his students how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. He
told the students that in the next couple of hours, the butterfly would struggle to come out
of the cocoon. But no one should help the butterfly. Then he left.
The students were waiting and it happened. The butterfly struggled to get out of the
cocoon, and one of the students took pity on it and decided to help the butterfly out of the
cocoon against the advice of his teacher. He broke the cocoon to help the butterfly so it
didn't have to struggle anymore. But shortly afterwards the butterfly died.
When the teacher returned, he was told what happened. He explained to this student that
by helping the butterfly, he had actually killed it because it is a law of nature that the
struggle to come out of the cocoon actually helps develop and strengthen its wings. The
boy had deprived the butterfly of its struggle and the butterfly died.
Apply this same principle to our lives. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without a struggle.
As parents we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we don't allow them to
struggle to gain strength.
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Comments
An amazing Love Story
04.06.09 (10:05 pm) [edit]
An amazing Love Story
He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after
her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the
party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but
due
to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was
too
nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please,
let
me go home.... suddenly he asked the waiter.. "would you please give me
some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he
put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously; why
you
have this hobby? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near
the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea,
just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty
coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my
hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there". While
saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can
tell
out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home,
has responsibility of home. Then she also started to speak, spoke about
her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice
talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets
all
her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was
such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty
coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess
married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And,
every
time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee e, as she
knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My
dearest,
please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I
said
to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so
nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It
was
hard for me to change so I just went ahead.I never thought that could be
the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times
in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to
lie
to you for anything..
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like
the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty
coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for
anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my
whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you
and
have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee
again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's
the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.
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Comments
Leave application
01.20.09 (8:51 pm) [edit]
Leave application
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
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Amazing Must Read - Moral of the Day
01.20.09 (12:53 am) [edit]
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar in one hand and two quarters in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
Moral: When you think the other person is dumb, you are making a fool of yourself.
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Shiv Khera Winners dont't do different things. They do things differently
01.19.09 (2:54 am) [edit]
Shiv Khera Winners dont't do different things. They do things differently
From washing cars and selling life insurance in the USA 30 years ago, Shiv Khera has come a long way. His multi-million dollar empire was built from scratch with sheer grit and he exemplifies his motivational trademark signature-line: 'Winners don't do different things, they do things differently.' His greatest claim to fame is in his pioneering work in this field, both in the USA and in India .
Shiv Khera talks of his background as the grandson of a man who owned collieries in Dhanbad before they were nationalized. With disarming candor, Khera says that he failed in class ten and barely made it as a commerce graduate. He talks of his failures, and of the effort that went into his eventual success. He speaks of his struggle to find a footing in Canada and the USA before he met Norman Vincent Peale whose motivational teaching changed his life forever.
Khera's book, You Can Win, an international bestseller, is an intelligently created motivational tool. One cannot but admire a man for walking his talk, for living his lectures, for having been there before acting as a catalyst to show you the way. He is a celebrity and the adulation that people shower on him is mind-boggling. Qualified Learning Systems, Khera's flagship organization, charges phenomenal amounts of money to conduct corporate workshops and companies willingly pay to hear him speak.
''It is high time that people took a stand,'' says Khera, ''those who are indifferent to injustice are as much to blame as the perpetrators. We have to become responsible, we cannot ignore our neighbor's plight, we must get involved.''
He says that we must make a clear distinction between detached action and indifferent noninvolvement. He is very firm in his belief that we all need to note our social responsibility alongside our personal duties. Discipline is high on his agenda of self-development, as are self-esteem and a winner's attitude. He gives a comprehensive list of attitudes that winners and losers have. Examples: 'Winners see the potential; losers see the past. Winners see the gain; losers see the pain. The winner is always part of the answer; the loser is always a part of the problem.'
Defining the winning edge, Khera says: ''In order to get the winning edge, we need to strive for excellence, not perfection. Striving for perfection is neurotic, striving for excellence is progress.'' His definition of success is: ''Knowing you have done a job well and have achieved your objective. Success is not measured by our position in life but by the obstacles we overcame to get there. People who have overcome obstacles are more secure than those who have never faced them.'' You Can Win relates an English proverb that says: ''A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.'' Everything is difficult before it becomes easy.
Shiv Khera is a winner. He has a veritable who's who list of corporate clients including a number of diplomats who swear by his teaching methods. He divides his time between workshops in India, Singapore and the USA.
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Dont Miss - Sometings Very Essential & Effective - Read Till End - For your Benefit !!
01.19.09 (2:26 am) [edit]
Health - Its Your About Your & Your Lovedone's Wellness
Answer the phone by LEFTear.
Do not drink coffee TWICEa day.
Do not take pills with COLDwater.
Do not have HUGEmeals after 5pm.
Reduce the amount of OILYfood you consume.
Drink more WATERin the morning, less at night.
Keep your distance from hand phone CHARGERS.
Do not use headphones/earphone for LONGperiod of time.
Best sleeping time is from 10pmat night to 6amin the morning.
Do not lie down immediately after taking medicinebefore sleeping.
When battery is down to the LASTgrid/bar, do not answer the phone as the radiation is 1000 times.
Forward this to those whom you CARE about!
Here are some healthy tip for your smartness & physical fitness. Prevention is better than cure.HEALTHY JUICES
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Comments
Legal Illegal Logical Illogical
01.19.09 (1:28 am) [edit]
Legal Illegal Logical Illogical
After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.
If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
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Advice for Free .For Men and For Women ONLY.
01.16.09 (3:38 am) [edit]
Advice for Free .For Men and For Women ONLY.
Enjoy the guru-mantras…
For Men:
Rule.No.1 - Never compare your mamma’s cooking with
your wife’s! There is no faster way to dig your own
grave than that! Please understand that your
mom’s cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of
experience….don’t expect that from your wife whose
hardly into the process! What if she were to compare
your earning capacity with her dad’s!!! So
shshshhhhh….!!!
Rule.No.2: Never go out of your way to please the lady
with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your
engagement period. If ever you do, please follow it up
post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15
minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time
with her, how dare you forget her birthday post -
marriage, even after you are given the broadest of
hints by her! Remember expectations always double…
ever heard of them being halved ???
Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then,
verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies
and Archies gift cards for? Don’t sit there like the
Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of
course she will do it but everyone likes to be
appreciated and pampered!!!!
Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or
complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a
strict NO-NO !! You got into it with your eyes wide
open, brimming with enthusiasm !! No one ever pushed
you into it! So why this drama now!
Rule.No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and
stand up by them!! Consult your parents for advice but
realize that you are grown up enough to lead your
life! Respect your partner’s views at all times!
Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life
with you!!
************************* *******
For Women
1. Don’t expect too much from him. Less the
expectations lesser the disappointments.
2. Don’t ever dare to plan any outing or movie on a
day when there is an interesting match going on.
REMEMBER SPORTS is more important to him than
anything else. U spoil his day n He spoils your
life…!
3. Over Emotions, Sentiments… Woha… What are
these? Tears are not going to give any results either.
It’s just a temp. attention tht u get. No one likes
Cry Babies m Whining Wifes.
4. Never dare to cross with his mother. Even if he
says "My Mom’s cooking is the best. U are nothing in
front of her." take it easily with a smile. Tell him
tht u are learning from his mother and will try to do
it better. U are not gonna lose anything!
5. Try to know his friends and understand that they
are also part of his world. Allow him to spend few
weekends or occasional night out parties with his
friends. But at the same time make sure that u get u r
due importance! It must not be that he roams around
with his friends forgetting that you exist at home.
6. Don’t start fighting for silly things. Forgetting
birthdays and Anniversaries is not a big mistake. Men
are not blessed with infinite and non-volatile RAM for
storing everything in main memory. If you are very
particular about present gifts n parties on u r
birthdays n anniversaries, make sure u remind them
well in advance by some means (I know it sounds
stupid. But if u are so particular, Do it for u r own
good)
7. Take him for your shopping only if he’s interested.
If you are going for Window Shopping or for saree
purchase, Better go with your friends/go alone. He is
better at office/home watching anything.
8. Give him importance always. Show due care and
affection. That’s the only way to win a guy’s mind.
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Comments
Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
01.16.09 (3:25 am) [edit]
Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1."We will do it" means "You will do it"
2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."
15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"
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Comments
Girlfriend and wife
01.16.09 (3:13 am) [edit]
Girlfriend and wife
1. Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile..
2. Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! .....
3. Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
4. WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!...
5. What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!...
6. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women...
7. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend...
8. God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
9. What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!....
10. He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppy disk into her hotmail
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Golden Globe 2009 Awards
01.14.09 (10:02 pm) [edit]
Here goes list of Golden Globe Award Winners .. There’s 3 names at bottom of the list which makes India on top of the Golden Globe 2009 Awards
# Kate Winslet wins Best Supporting Actress in a motion picture for ‘The Reader’
# Bruce Springsteen wins Best original Song-Motion Picture for ‘The Wrestler’
# Tom Wilkinson wins Best Supporting Actor Mini Series for ‘John Adams’
# Laura Dern wins Best Supporting Actress in Mini Series for ‘Recount’
# Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture for ‘The Dark Night’
# Waltz With Bashir (Israel) wins Best Foreign Language Film award
# Wall-E wins Best Animated Feature Film award
# Anna Paquin wins Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama for true Blood
# Simon Beaufoy wins Best Screenplay for Slumdog Millionaire
# A R Rahman wins Best Original Music Score for Slumdog Millionaire
# Danny Boyle wins Best Motion Picture, Best Director for Slumdog Millionaire
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Comments
3 Monkey : Amazing Joke
01.05.09 (8:28 pm) [edit]
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a monkey.
The shop owner points to 3 identical looking monkeys on a perch and says the monkey on the left cost $ 500.00,
Why does that one cost so much? asked the shopper.
The owner says well the monkey knows how to use a computer.
The man then asks about the next monkey and was told that this one cost $1000.00 because it can do everything the other monkey can do plus he knows the Unix operating system.
Naturally the increasingly startled man asks about the third monkey to be told that it costs $ 2000.00 .
Needles to say this begs the question.
What can it do?
To which the owner replies:
"To be honest I have never seen him do a thing but the other two call him BOSS"
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Comments
Unbelievable Post
11.11.08 (11:11 pm) [edit]
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, meets a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was simply 'amazing', very much of her dream guy, she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him.
........A few days later she killed her FIRST sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer).
SCROLL DOWN ............
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Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as
a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.
Be sure to share the test!
// Note- Blog owner is not resposible for its authenticity and received this content from a friend//
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Comments
Good Sardar Joke
11.05.08 (3:55 am) [edit]
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is all India Radio!
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child
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Comments
newton laws regarding romance.....
10.21.08 (12:10 am) [edit]
newton laws regarding romance.....
Newton in romantic mood......
Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
first law:
"a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
second law:
"the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
third law:
" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."
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KBC-2. Watch this may be question in next week....
10.21.08 (12:00 am) [edit]
Amitabh : Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke leye yeh raha apke samne..
Contestant Santa Singh is tensed.
Amitabh : Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan
ON Computer Screen:
A. Amitabh Bacchan B. Laloo Prasad Yadav
C. Azharuddin D. General Perverz Musharaff .
Amitabh : Apka kya jawab hai ?! ( He is quite sure that Santa will opt for A)
But Santa is still confused.
Amitabh : Apke pas do life line hai..50:50 and phone a friend.
Santa: I think it is A, but am not sure.
Amitabh : Not sure... Hmmm ap kya karna chahenge?
Santa : I would like to use 50:50?
Amitabh: Ok computer , 2 galat javabo ko mita de..
Computer after deleting two names, leaves two options which are: -
B. Laloo Prasad Yadav.
C. Moh. Azharuddin.
Amitabh is confused and tensed thinks how come the computer has made this
mistake But as is said in bollywood the show must go on.
Now Santa is confused.
Santa: I would like to use the last life line phone a friend..
Amitabh : Ap kisko phone karna chahenge?
Santa : "Mein Jaya Bachan ji ko phone karna chahoonga...."
Amitabh Fainted !!!!!
And the call is now connected to Jayabachan and listen ......
Santa asked the question to Jaya.
Santa : " Jayaji , Who is the father of Abhishek Bacchan ?
Jaya Bachan: Give me the options!!!!!!
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Comments
Great Chanakya Quote
09.23.08 (2:23 am) [edit]
Great Chanakya Quote
Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply
and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Once you start a working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"The fragrance of flowers spreads
only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years.
For the next five years, scold them.
By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend.
Your grown up children are your best friends."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
"Education is the best friend.
An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
4
Comments
ENJOY CODING ABOUT GIRLS
07.27.08 (9:03 pm) [edit]
ENJOY CODING ABOUT GIRLS
Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }
Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}
Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}
Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}
Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }
Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}
Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
0
Comments
7 Best Answers For Interview
07.03.08 (1:52 am) [edit]
7 Best Answers For Interview
( How to make fool & win)
Q: Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer:
It didn’t work out.
What you should say:
I felt my talents and abilities were underutilised.
------------------------- -------------------------
Q: What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer:
Hate all forms of authority and can't concentrate for long.
What you should say:
I am a workaholic. I just don't know when to put down my work.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: You don't seem to hold on to a job long. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer:
My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only competent employees.
What you should say:
I am at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around. I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a
contribution.
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Q: How do you handle change?
Real answer:
I deal with it everyday.
What you should say:
I think everyone knows that today the only constant is change. I thrive on it.
------------------------- ------------------------- --
Q: How do you get along with others?
Real answer:
Fine, as long as they stay out of my way.
What you should say:
I think the interpersonal dynamics of the workplace can be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
------------------------- ------------------------- --
Q: What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer:
It means that I don't have to drag myself out of bed.
What you should say:
Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a difference working with a team of people to make a more profitable enterprise.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---
Q: What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer:
It means I continue to collect unemployment insurance.
What you should say:
Failure? I'm sorry. That word is not in my vocabulary.
2
Comments
Software Companies & Their Full forms
07.02.08 (11:16 pm) [edit]
Software Companies & Their Full forms (India)
1. INFOSYS : Inferior Offline Systems
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10.. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. HP : Hen Pecked
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First, and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & Lackluster
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
1
Comments
Sardar Joke
07.02.08 (4:38 am) [edit]
Sardar : I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend : why?
Sardar : Got upper berth.
Friend : why didn't you exchange?
Sardar : Oye, there was nobody to exchange in the lower berth..
------------------------- -----------------
Teacher lecturing on population:
In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up and says: we must find and stop her !!
------------------------- ------------
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as
to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes
------------------------- -------------------
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave him 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Sardar proposed a Girl
.
.
.
Girl said 'I'm 1 year elder to you'
.
.
.
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR
------------------------- ------------------
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
------------------------- --------
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
------------------------- ------
Urine Test
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
------------------------- ----------
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.
A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing"
Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh"
Another Guy Came and asked the same Question.
Sardar answered " No No Me ! Banta Singh"
Third one came and asked the same
question, Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach.
He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?". The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing.
The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, they are all searching for you and you are sitting here"
0
Comments
Diif b/w BOY & GIRL with ATM machine
07.01.08 (3:53 am) [edit]
How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
0
Comments
Petrol Tips
06.06.08 (2:20 am) [edit]
Petrol Tips
1) Only buy or fill up your car or bike in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the fuel, when it gets warmer petrol expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your litre is not exactly a litre. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the petrol, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
2) To fill up when your tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is, the more fuel you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Petrol evaporates faster than you can imagine. Petroleum storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the petrol and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.
3) Another reminder, if there is a fuel truck pumping into the storage tanks , DO NOT fill up . The petrol/diesel is being stirred up as the fuel is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.
0
Comments
Humour - MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY
06.03.08 (8:59 pm) [edit]
Hi,
Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom, MAD called police.
MAD: Is it police station ???
Police: Yes, what is the matter ???
MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police: Are you mad?
MAD: Yes, I"m MAD.
Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.
MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom....
Police: you FOOL...
MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke..
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\
\
0
Comments
Sardar Joke
06.03.08 (2:58 am) [edit]
SARDAR JOKE
Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai? SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!
Sardar on phone "Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now".
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking............
Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
Sardar: Will u merry , after i die .
Wife : No i wiil live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Sardar: No i will also live with ur sister.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on "Saturday"?
Tell him "a joke on Tuesday....!!!!
Sardarji is filling up a job application...........................
He promptly fills in the lines on Name, Age, Addr,& etc.
Then came the column Salary Expected.....................
After much thought he writes: Yes.............................
A Sardar saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her.
Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?"
Sardar: B.Com final year"
A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him. why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
Ek sardar exame dene gaya to apnay saath palumber ko saath le kar gaya.
guess karo kyun le kar gaya?
aray yaar simple hai us ko yeh news mili thi k paper leage ho gaya. ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Aik Sardar Apnae Marriage Certificate ku 1 hour sae Dekh raha tha.
Begam Ai Booli, Tusi inni Dair Say Kia Dekh Rahe Hu?
Sardar Bola, Expiry Date Dekh raha hoon......
0
Comments
LOVE YOUR JOB, BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH LONG HOURS
06.02.08 (1:30 am) [edit]
LOVE YOUR JOB, BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH LONG HOURS
I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary.
Other people I know have put these hours for years. I don't know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace. Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization.
There are things managers can do to change this for everyone's benefit.
“Being in the office long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others. I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5 PM on Monday.
Another problem is that people who are in the office long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about other people (who aren't working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behavior poses problems, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another.
As Managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office.
First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves. I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding groups e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday.
Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:
1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.
2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.
3) Go home.
4) Read the comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.
5) Eat well and sleep well.
This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2.
Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires personal change. They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them. In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my oldest son. When he was a toddler, if people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of day it was. He would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss something. Once our visitors' left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream through half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out.
Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they don't want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life!! Things happen 24 hours a day. Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical. So, take a nap. Things will happen while you're asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake. Hence "LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH LONG HOURS OF WORK"
0
Comments
Happy Mothers Day
05.15.08 (9:19 pm) [edit]
"Happy Mothers Day
& nbsp; &n bsp; This story of mother's day is the story of firm determination of a daughter,
Anna Jarvis who resolved to pay tribute to her mother, Mrs. Anna M Jarvis and
all other mothers of the world.
& nbsp; &n bsp; Mother's Day originated during the era of ancient Greeks and Romans for Rhea,
the mother of Gods, which was celebrated as 'Mothering Sunday' on fourth Sunday in Lent.
It was Julia Ward Howe and Anna Jarvis who campaigned for nationally recognized mother's day
and finally succeeded for celebrating on second Sunday in may since 1914.
& nbsp; &n bsp; And mother's day is celebrated over 46 countries (0n different dates).
Mother's Day Date in Different Countries
United States: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Australia: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Belgium: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Brazil: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Canada: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Denmark: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Finland: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Germany: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Greece: Second Sunday in the month of May.
India: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Italy: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Japan: Second Sunday in the month of May.
New Zealand: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Singapore: Second Sunday in the month of May.
Turkey: Second Sunday in the month of May.
United Kingdom/England: Mother's Day is called Mothering Sunday and falls on the fourth Sunday in Lent.
France: First Sunday in June or last Sunday in May
Much of South America (as well as Mexico), Bahrain, Malaysia, Oman, Pakistan, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates: May 10
Mexico: - Thursday, May 10
Albania: - March 8
Russia: - November 28
Poland: - May 26
Indonesia: - December 22
Egypt: - March 21
Norway: - Tuesday, February 13
Thailand: Birthday of Queen Sirikit Kitiyakara - Sunday, August 12
Sweden: Last Sunday in May
Lebanon: First day of Spring
Norway: The second Sunday in February
Austria, Hong Kong, Netherlands, Taiwan, Hungary, Portugal, South Africa, Spain: First Sunday in May
Antwerp (Belgium), Costa Rica: Assumption day - August 15
Argentina: The Día de la Madre - The second or third Sunday in October
0
Comments
Do not stay late night in office
05.13.08 (10:00 pm) [edit]
Do not stay late night in office
It's half past 8 in the office
but the lights are still on...
PCs still running,
coffee machines still buzzing...
and who's at work?
Most of them???
Take a closer look...
All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race...
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...
and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home... here we get to
surf, AC, phone, food, coffee ?
thats is why I am working late... importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and other
off-shore offices. Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office
just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do...
Now what r the consequences... read on?
"Working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute
or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those
"working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course
good feedback,(oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).
They aren't helping things too...
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!!!
Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family...
office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts...
because u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early
leaver" even if u leave an hour after regulartime... after doing the same
amount of work. People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day
are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as "not up to it".
All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not
realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never
realize that they wuld have to regret at one point of time .
So what's the moral of the story??
o Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
o Never put in extra time " *unless really needed *"
o & nbsp; Don't stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music... Learn a foreign language... try a sport...
TT, cricket.........importantly Get a boy/girl friend take him/her around town...
And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time
low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: "Life's calling, where are you?"
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues....
And please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!
1
Comments
05.08.08 (3:27 am) [edit]
Conversation With GOD
=========================
God: Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. who is this?
God: This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in
the midst of something..
God: What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.
God: Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.
Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still cant figure it out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God: Well I wanted to resolve your fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God: Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God: Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit.That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God: Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God: Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God: Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer.With that experience their life becomes better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God: Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can't we be free from problems?
God: Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to)Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..
God: If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God: Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God: Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God: when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me". Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want
to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I can't get the answer.
God: Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God: Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God: There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat. I am so happy to start the New Day with a new sense of inspiration.
God: Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve.
Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live....
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------
" DON'T EXPECT A GREAT DAY....
& nbsp; ... MAKE ONE..."
0
Comments
Friendship
05.07.08 (9:10 pm) [edit]
A friend is someone who understands and
someone you can trust.
They will listen to you both night and day without ever making a fuss.
A friend will stand by your side when you are right and sometimes when you are wrong.
They will hold you up when you are weak and provide support to make you strong.
A friend's love is unconditional and unique in every way.
And when you have problems a true friend will kneel with you and pray.
A friend will stand by your side through thick and thin.
And whenever everyone have deserted you they still will be your friend.
A friend once said to me that a friend is sent from God above and I believe this to be true.
Because God has sent a friend to me and that friend to me is YOU.
Have a nice day!!!!!!!!
0
Comments
Sardar Joke
05.05.08 (1:35 am) [edit]
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
************ ********* ********* ***
On Jeeto's bdaySardar had no money,
so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said:
Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank manager.
************ ********* ********* ****
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
************ ********* ********* *****
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
************ ********* ********* ****
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..
************ ********* ********* *****
Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.
************ ********* ********* ***
A Sardar enters shop shouts,
Where is my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab � ?o
Sardar : Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.
************ ********* ********* *****
0
Comments
Amazing facts
05.02.08 (3:09 am) [edit]
Hi frndzz.. some facts for u all..
1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions.
2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!
3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. Hi All,
5. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
6. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
7.Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
0
Comments
Indian Mobile Company and there advertisement meanings
03.12.08 (1:23 am) [edit]
college life is like RELIANCE(kar lo duniya mutti mein)
bachelor life is like airtel(aisi aazadi aur kahan)
aftr engagement its IDEA(it can change ur life)
marriage life like HUTCH(whereever u go our network follows)
aftr kids its BSNL(all lines in this route r busy,pls try aftr some time)
1
Comments
Who you know you are
03.10.08 (11:59 pm) [edit]
Who you know you are
Many of the good and valuable things you do will go unnoticed by everyone else. Do them anyway, because you will know.
Many of the contributions you make will not be fully appreciated by others. Make them anyway, because they're the right things to do.
It's great when you receive recognition for the work you do and the high standards you maintain. Yet even when there is no possibility of recognition, there is still plenty of reason to give your very best.
Even when no one else is watching, you are watching. Even when no one else appreciates the value of what you're doing, you understand that value.
Your honest, authentic view of yourself influences all that you do. And that view is formed largely during the times when no one is watching.
Be ever true to yourself and to the values you hold dear. Your life is a living expression of who you truly know you are.
1
Comments
Help....
03.04.08 (3:35 am) [edit]
Help....
The Titanic is going to be drowned.... Everybody in the ship is
shouting,crying, running or praying to God...
Just then an Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have
got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship
into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here?
Sardarji : Downwards......
1
Comments
Proverb - Life Essential
02.27.08 (1:05 am) [edit]
Its nice to be IMPORTANT... But it's Important to be NICE...
8
Comments
Add kindness
02.15.08 (3:30 am) [edit]
Add kindness
Whatever can be done, can be done more effectively when you add kindness to it. Whatever is said, becomes much more convincing when expressed with genuine kindness.
The kindness in just one moment can have a positive impact that lasts for years and years. Kindness is a gift that keeps giving for a lifetime.
Kindness is not complicated, and it comes naturally when you open your heart to life. Kindness brings new light and hope to the darkest of days.
Act with kindness, and you will have no regrets. Kindness is an easy, modest investment that pays generous dividends in the sense of fulfillment it brings.
Kindness dissolves the pain and speeds the healing. When logic and reason say there is no hope, kindness can pave the way forward.
This day will be brighter when you add kindness to it. Choose kindness, and you're truly choosing to live in a better world.
0
Comments
A positive start
02.13.08 (9:50 pm) [edit]
A positive start
Energize your life by starting each day with gratitude. When you wake up, before you do anything else, stop and count your blessings. Then find something special about each day for which you can be thankful.
It's s great way to get each day started on a positive note, and it can make a major difference throughout the day. Actively practicing gratitude on a regular basis will keep you in touch with the very best of your possibilities. It will enable you to see opportunities and utilize resources which may otherwise have remained hidden or forgotten.
Maintaining an attitude of gratitude will keep you connected to the things of value in your life. So in a very real sense it will add value to each moment of the day.
There are many good things in your life. It makes sense to fully appreciate and enjoy them. When you do, those positive things will grow even stronger. Begin each day by counting your many blessings. By so doing you'll attract many more.
Energize your life by starting each day with gratitude. When you wake up, before you do anything else, stop and count your blessings. Then find something special about each day for which you can be thankful. It's s great way to get each day started on a positive note, and it can make a major difference throughout the day. Actively practicing gratitude on a regular basis will keep you in touch with the very best of your possibilities. It will enable you to see opportunities and utilize resources which may otherwise have remained hidden or forgotten. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude will keep you connected to the things of value in your life. So in a very real sense it will add value to each moment of the day. There are many good things in your life. It makes sense to fully appreciate and enjoy them. When you do, those positive things will grow even stronger. Begin each day by counting your many blessings. By so doing you'll attract many more.
0
Comments
Positive experience
02.11.08 (1:01 am) [edit]
Positive experience
The best response to a negative experience is to create a positive experience. Instead of fighting against life's misfortunes, transform them into useful and worthwhile value.
When things go wrong, you have a choice. You can wallow in self pity or you can seize the opportunity for self improvement.
In every disappointment there is the seed of fulfillment. In every weakness there is the seed of strength.
Problems and difficulties provide reliable pathways to achievement. There is value to be gained from every experience when you choose to see that value and to bring it about.
You never have to be the victim of random circumstance, or of any other circumstance for that matter. For instead of choosing to be the victim, you can always choose to make a positive difference.
Life is often unfair, and comes to you in ups and downs, but that doesn't really matter. For you are free to make of it whatever you choose.
0
Comments
Choose to be inspired
02.08.08 (3:21 am) [edit]
Choose to be inspired
Envy is worse than a waste of time. For when you hold on to thoughts of envy, you are actively holding yourself back.
Envy builds a wall between you and the abundance that could otherwise be yours. Envy can drain you of your best possibilities.
Do you ever resent it when someone else has acquired or achieved or experienced some particular thing and you have not? If so, then your envy actually makes your own situation worse.
Instead of being envious about the good fortune of others, be genuinely thankful for it. That instantly puts you in a much better position to create similar good fortune in your own life.
When you celebrate the achievements of others, you connect yourself in a positive and empowering way to life's abundance. When you choose to be inspired, your eyes will open to many more valuable and positive possibilities.
Be truly thankful for the success that you see around you. And that success will soon become your own.
0
Comments
Two Friends
01.31.08 (10:50 pm) [edit]
A story tells that two friends were walking
through the desert. During some
point of the journey they had an argument, and
one friend slapped the other one in the face
The one who got slapped was hurt,
but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE
They kept on walking until they found an oasis,
where they decided to take a bath. The one who
had been slapped got stuck in the mire and
started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near
drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and
saved his best friend asked him,
"After I hurt you, you wrote in the
sand and now, you write on a stone,
why?" The other friend replied "When someone
hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds
of forgiveness can erase it away. But,
when someone
does something good for us, we must engrave
0
Comments
Gerat Quote
01.23.08 (10:34 pm) [edit]
“Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solutionâ€
0
Comments
संता बंता
01.04.08 (1:13 am) [edit]
संता- अरे यार तà¥à¤®à¥à¤¹à¤¾à¤°à¥‡ सिर पर पटà¥à¤Ÿà¥€ कà¥à¤¯à¥‹à¤‚ बंधी हà¥à¤ˆ है ?
बंता-मेरी महबूबा ने फूल फेंककर मारा था।
संता- कà¥à¤¯à¤¾ यार फूल से इतनी चोट लगती है à¤à¤²à¤¾ ?
बंता-उसने गà¥à¤²à¤¦à¤¾à¤¨ से फूल तोड़ने की जहमत नही उठाई।
सेकà¥à¤°à¥‡à¤Ÿà¤°à ¥€ का इंतजार
अधà¥à¤¯à¤¾à¤ªà¤• ने ककà¥à¤·à¤¾ में छातà¥à¤°à¥‹à¤‚ से कहा, मान लो तà¥à¤® किसी बहà¥à¤¤ बड़ी कंपनी के मैनेजर हो। इस पर à¤à¤• निबंध लिखो।
à¤à¤• छातà¥à¤° को चà¥à¤ªà¤šà¤¾à¤ª बैठे देखकर अधà¥à¤¯à¤¾à¤ªà¤• ने उससे पूछा, तà¥à¤® कà¥à¤¯à¥‹à¤‚ वही लिख रहे हो?
मैं अपनी सेकà¥à¤°à¥‡à¤Ÿà¤°à ¥€ का इंतजार कर रहा हूं। छातà¥à¤° ने बड़े रौब से उतà¥à¤¤à¤° दिया।
1
Comments
Friends
11.30.07 (4:23 am) [edit]
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then
give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
0
Comments
Friends
11.30.07 (4:20 am) [edit]
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then
give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
0
Comments
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
11.26.07 (2:53 am) [edit]
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People .
What do you expect from such simple creatures ? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
Your underwear is Rs.195 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades ! You only have to shave your face and neck.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. A wedding dress is Rs25,000 but a Suit costs&nb sp;just Rs.3000. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about taps. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
If its okay with you........send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
1
Comments
Indian Stock Exchange again in upward direction
10.31.07 (10:25 pm) [edit]
Indian Stock Exchange again in upward direction. Nifty reaches near to 6K ( 6000 mark), while BSE again hit 20K mark ( 20,000)
This may be due to US Federal Reserve cut interest rate by 25 basis points. And this is the second rate cut this year ( according to some sources). Abd due to this reason ( may be ) FIIs money inflow in the Indian market, a factor to increase in Indian stock exchange.
0
Comments
Indian Stock Exchange Hits New High BSE Crosses 2000 mark Historical Moment
10.29.07 (3:31 am) [edit]
Today ( 29th October 2007 ) BSE creates a new history of Indian stocjk exchange.
Reaches 20000 mark, a record high and Indian rupee once again became stronger with respect to US Dollar.
A new milestone created today.
BSE Sensex - 20,024.87 ( New High)
0
Comments
Indian Stock Exchange BSE Creates History
10.26.07 (2:38 am) [edit]
Bomaby Stock Exchange reached 19200 mark, amazing !!!!.
After new participatory note ( PN) comes to check hedge funds and funds of terrorist. Stock exchange is soaring. SEBI clarifies no evidence of terrorist money in stock marker.
And to check hedge funds, permanent registration is made to compulsory earlier renewal it to every three years, not to stop FII activities.
This message has been taken with big hand by investors.
Information here is only for public interest. Information taken from news, and various other sources. If any of content having error/ mistake, you should verify from relevant sources / authority and its authenticity.
Bye Jokebest
0
Comments
Rising Indian Economy
10.15.07 (4:28 am) [edit]
Indian Economy Creates a New History
BSE ( Bombay Stock Exchange) crosses 19000 mark, targeting 20000 amazing !!!!!
Rupee closes at record high against US Dollar at 39.31
Indian is best destination to invest money.
Indian economy is rising with respect to most of the world economies due to large inflow of foreign currencies to India.
India becomes office to world.
IT/ITES Services creates amazing wonder, now its time for KPO ( Knowledge Process Outsourciing) like - Biotechnology , Research , and other knowledge processing industry.
As in past - first man is creating communication like language, expression. Same happens in terms of IT ( Inforamation Technology). If India rise in terms of IT ( spreading IT to its villages), acquiring more energy capacity (Nuclear , Wind Energy to generate more electricity etc), Provide corruption less services like no beuracracy then Indian economy goes to its full strength.
0
Comments
Why Women Cry
10.11.07 (10:08 pm) [edit]
Why Women Cry
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:
"When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry he! r husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
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Comments
Friendship
10.11.07 (2:53 am) [edit]
Dost Suraj jaisa nahin jo raat ko Chala jaye........
Dost Chand jaisa bhi nahin jo Din mein dikhai na de........
Dost to Anshu jaise hote hain jo khusi aur gum donon mein dikhai dein...................
Jindagi main,
Kuchh lamhe khaas ban gaye,
Mile to mulakat ban gaye,
Bichhade to yaad ban gaye,
Aur jo dil se naa gaye,
Wo aap ban gaye...
0
Comments
What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???
10.11.07 (2:48 am) [edit]
What do u have ???? Tumhare Paas Kya Hai ???
A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the
cafeteria for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.
To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.
He calls him.
Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?
Canteen boy smiles...
Senior Manager - what are your future plans?
Canteen boy keeps quiet...
Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
Canteen boy gives a cold stare.
Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch
nahi tha.... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...
naam hai..........,
shohrat hai.........,
paisa hai............
Izzat Hai.............,
tumhare paas kya hai?
Scroll down to find out his answer
Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki "Mere
paas Maa hain"
Just Scroll some more..............
....
........
..........
...........
................
.............
...............
..............
................
.................
.........................................
Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai....
Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......
1
Comments
Good One !!!!!
10.11.07 (2:44 am) [edit]
1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
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Comments
Rabriji And Laluji
10.11.07 (2:41 am) [edit]
Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front
Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie
Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Rabri,
"Who's clock is that?"
That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
Never told a lie.
"And whose clock is that?"
That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his
Entire life."
Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"
Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a
Ceiling fan".
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Comments
Friendship vs Love
10.08.07 (11:27 pm) [edit]
Friendship vs Love
Friendship is a quiet walk in the park with the one you trust.
Love is when you feel like you are the only two around.
Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care.
Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart .
Friendship is being close even when you are far apart.
Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart
when they are not near.
Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best.
Love is when you bring them the very best.
Friendship occupies your mind.
Love occupies your soul.
Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there
when in need.
Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side.Friendship is a warm smile in the winter.
Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart.
Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares.
A tender laugh, which opens your heart.
A single touch that melts away your fears.
A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven.
A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth.
Friendship can survive without love.
Love cannot live without friendship.
0
Comments
Amazing Read
10.08.07 (2:41 am) [edit]
May I know the time please?!
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,
if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.
Young Man:
Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come
again.
This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made
it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter
has and I will then
have to introduce my young and
pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles. 
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter
again and again. You will offer her to go out for a
movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start
waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall
in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and
tell
me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) - Young man, I will never marry my
Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a
Watch
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Comments
This is LIFE
10.08.07 (2:05 am) [edit]
When you are in light, Everything will follow you......
But when you enter dark, Even your shadow will not follow you......
This is LIFE !!!
0
Comments
Hardwork & Luck
10.08.07 (1:55 am) [edit]
Hardwork is like the stairs, luck is like a lift ; Lify may fail sometimes but whatever may be the occassion, stairs will always take you to the TOP
0
Comments
difference b/w programmers & non-programmers :)
10.05.07 (3:41 am) [edit]
How do you differentiate between programmers and non-programmers?
A non-programmer thinks there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.
A programmer is convinced that there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.
Somu : public member or private?
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
Ramu : Hey.. My submarine is not sinking into the water!! What could be wrong?
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
THIS ONE IS TOO GOO D !!!
PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500 rupees
to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. Why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass
by value or pass by reference.
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a
software engineer...
Somu : how do you say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
Ramu : why people are beating that SW engineer black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is
new kind of RAM in the market!
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW engineer is very very naive..
Somu : How do you say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea .
/*********** ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* ********* ********* ********* ******/
0
Comments
engineers vs doctors
09.27.07 (3:08 am) [edit]
7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they both gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their
superiority.
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7
tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes
Away....
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct
Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger
till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL
to PUNE
SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too
are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers
don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..
TC arrives....
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE
OPPOSITE
ONE..
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors
toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroom... TC DRIVES out
ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily
fined
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA):
------------------------- ----------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors
planning their move for last chance, they board the
loc al to Pune.
This time doctors decide that they will play the same
(1 ticket) trick.
ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7
tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....
Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL
train...........
Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are
geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
1
Comments
Facts of life which applies to the Salaried People!
09.24.07 (2:30 am) [edit]
Facts of life which applies to the Salaried People!
Bank Balance
First Week : 10,000
Second Week : 1,000
Third Week : 100
Fourth week : 10
Conveyance
First Week : Auto ("I can afford it")
Second Week : Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")
Third Week : Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")
Fourth week : Walk ("Good for health")
Girl friends
First Week : Eena, Meena, Tina ("I can BUY love")
Second Week : Meena, Tina ("I have enough girl friends")
Third Week : Tina ("I am loyal to her")
Fourth week : "Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"
Mobile Maintenance
First Week : Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")
Second Week : Restricted o! utgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary
traffic on mobile lines")
Third Week : Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent
situations only")
Fourth week : Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she
calls me")
And last....but not the least...
Boozing
First Week : "Come, let's go to Chennai and freak out!"
Second Week : "Man, there is nothing in Chennai. Let's go to pondi."
Third Week : "The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. what
say?"
Fourth week : "Drinking is injurious to health"
__._,_.___
0
Comments
Can You Do This ????
09.24.07 (2:28 am) [edit]
Can SEE 'TEA' in A TEA-CUP
Can you SEE the WORLD in WORLD-
CUP?
I can SING on Any STAGE
Can you SING in COMA-STAGE?
I can FIX my PASSPORT Size PHOTO in
My PASSPORT
Can you FIX Your STAMP Size PHOTO
in a STAMP?
I Can SEND My ADDRESS to Your
MOBILE
Can You SEND Your MOBILE to my
ADDRESS?
TRY ALL THIS........ ....
Atleast DO the LAST ONE.
0
Comments
Slang Vocublary
09.10.07 (4:34 am) [edit]
Internet Slangs/ Slang Translation / Slang Vocublary
yup - yes!
nope - no..
k - ok
lol - laugh out loud
brb - be right back
bolo - be on the lookout...
AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."
AFAIK — "as far as I know"
AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"
AFK — "away from keyboard"
ASAP — "as soon as possible"
BBL — "be back later"
BBS — "be back soon"
BFD — "big fucking deal"
BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).
BTW — "by the way"
B2B — "Business to Business"
C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.
C|N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"
cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.
CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.
CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.
FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"
FFS — "for fuck's sake!"
FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends
FYI — "for your information"
G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.
GAGF — "go and get fucked"
GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.
GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.
GJ — Good Job
HAND — "have a nice day"
HTH — "hope this helps"
IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.
IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"
IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .
ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know."
IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR
IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"
IMO — "in my opinion"
IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"
IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"
IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.
ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC
IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"
JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"
Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.
JOOC — "just out of curiosity"
k — short for "OK"
l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".
l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )
LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website".
LMAO — "laughing my ass off"
LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)
MYOB — "mind your own business"
NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"
NOYB — "none of your business"
NP — "No Problem"
NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.
NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content
O — "oh"
OIC — "oh, I see"
OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"
OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"
OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"
OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."
OT — "off topic"
OTOH — "on the other hand"
own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).
PFO — "please fuck off"
PITA — "pain in the ass"
PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")
prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)
prolly — contracted form of "probably"
plz — shorthand spelling of "please"
Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )
P2P — Person to Person
qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.
R — shorthand spelling of "are"
RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.
ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).
ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"
r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"
RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.
RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.
RU — Are You?
R8 — right
SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.
STFU — "shut the fuck up"
sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"
TBH — "to be honest"
thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)
TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
TIA — "thanks in advance"
TTYL — "talk to you later"
U — a shorthand spelling of "you"
ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"
w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever
w/o — without
WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"
WTF — "what the fuck?"
YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)
w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team
w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".
X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].
<3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.
2B - To be
4 - for
Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:
cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.
guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration
FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.
flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.
hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.
troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).
lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.
newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).
noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
========================= ===========
a/m - away message
a/s/l - age,sex,location
a/s/l/p - age/sex/location/picture
a/s/l/r - age, sex, location, race
aaaaa - American Assosciation Against Acronym Abuse
aaf - as a friend
aamof - as a matter of fact
aarp - alert, aware, responsible, participate
abend - absent by enforced net deprivation
abt - about
abwt - about
acc - account
acgaf - Absolutely couldn't give a Fuck
ack - acknowledged
addy - address
adn - any day now
afaic - as far as I'm concerned
afaics - as far as I can see
afaict - as far as I can tell
afaik - as far as I know
afair - as far as I recall
afc - away from computer
afcpmgo - away from computer parents may go on
afk - away from keyboard
afkb - away from keyboard
ah - ass hole
ahole - asshole
ai - Artificial Intelligence
aiadw - ALL IN A DAYS WORK
aiamu - and I'm a monkey's uncle
aicmfp - and I claim my five pounds
aight - Alright
aightz - alright
aiic - as if I care
aiight - all right
aim - AOL instant messanger
ain't - am not
aite - Alright
aiui - as I understand it
aiws - as i was saying
ajax - Asynchronous Javascript and XML
aka - also known as
akp - Alexander King Project
akpcep - Alexander King Project Cultural Engineering Project
alot - a lot
alright - all right
alrite - Alright
alryt - alright
amf - adios motherfucker
anim8 - animate
anlsx - Anal Sex
anon - anonymous
anuda - another
anw - anyways
any1 - Anyone
anywaz - anyways
aoe - Age Of Empires
aoto - Amen on that one
aoys - angel on your shoulder
apod - Another Point Of Discussion
ar - are
arnd - around
arse - ass
arsed - bothered
arvo - afternoon
asafp - as soon as fucking possible
asaik - as soon as I know
asap - as soon as possible
asarbambtaa - All submissions are reviewed by a moderator before they are added.
asic - application specific integrated circuit
asl - age, sex, location
aslp - age, sex, location, picture
aslr - age sex location race
aslrp - age, sex, location, race, picture
atm - at the moment
atop - at time of posting
atp - answer the phone
attn - attention
atw - All the way
audy - Are you done yet?
aufm - are you fucking mental
aufsm - are you fucking shiting me
aup - acceptable use policy
avie - Avatar
avsb - a very special boy
avtr - avatar
avy - Avatar
awes - awesome
awk - awkward
awol - absent without leave
ayb - All Your Base
aybab2m - all your base are belong 2 me
aybab2u - All your base are belong to us
aybabtg - All Your Base Are Belong To Google
aybabtu - all your base are belong to us
ayd - are you done
aydy - are you done yet
ayec - at your earliest convenience
ayfk - are you fucking kidding
ayk - are you kidding
aypi - and your point is
aypi? - And Your Point Is?
aysm - are you shitting me?
ayt - are you there
ayte - alright
aytf - are you there fucker
azn - asian
azz - ass
-----------------
bi - bye
b& - banned
b'day - birthday
b-cuz - because
b.s. - bullshit
b/c - because
b/g - background
b/s/l - Bisexual/Straight/Lesbian
b/t - between
b00n - new person
b00t - boot
b1tch - Bitch
b2b - business to business
b3 - be
b4 - before
b4n - bye for now
b4u - before you
b8 - bait
b82rez - Batteries
b8rez - Batteries
bab - Big ass Boobs
babi - baby
baf - bring a friend
baggkyko - be a good girl, keep your knickers on
bah - I don't really care
bai - Bye
bak - back
bamf - bad ass mother fucker
bamofo - bitch ass mother fucker
bau - back at you
bb - bye bye
bb4n - Bye-bye for now
bbbj - Bare Back Blow Job
bbe - baby
bbfn - Bye Bye for now
bbfu - be back for you
bbi - Baby
bbiab - be back in a bit
bbiaf - be back in a few
bbialb - Be back in a little bit
bbiam - be back in a minute
bbias - be back in a second
bbiaw - be back in a while
bbilb - be back in a little bit
bbl - be back later
bbl8a - Be Back Later
bbml - be back much later
bbp - Banned by parents
bbq - be back quick
bbs - be back soon
bbt - be back tomorrow
bbtn - be back tonite
bbvl - Be Back Very Later
bbw - be back whenever
bbwb - best buddy with boobs
bbwl - be back way later
bby - baby
bbz - babes
bc - because
bck - back
bcnu - be seeing you
bcnul8r - be seeing you later
bcoz - Because
bcurl8 - Because you're late.
bcuz - because
bday - birthday
bdfl - Benevolent Dictator For Life
be4 - before
beeoch - bitch
beezy - BITCH
beotch - bitch
betcha - bet you
bettr - better
bewb - boob
bewbs - boobs
bewbz - boobs
bewt - boot
bf - boyfriend
bf4e - best friends for ever
bf4l - best friends for life
bfd - big fucking deal
bfe - Bum Fuck Egypt
bff - best friend forever
bffa - best friends for always
bffae - Best Friends Forever And Ever
bffe - Best friends forever
bffeae - Best Friend For Ever And Ever
bffene - Best Friends For Ever And Ever
bffl - best friends for life
bfftddup - best friends forever till death do us part
bfg - big fucking gun
bfh - bitch from hell
bfhd - big fat hairy deal
bfn - bye for now
bfs - Boyfriends
bft - big fucking tits
bg - background
bhwu - back home with you
biab - back in a bit
biaf - Back In A Few
biatch - bitch
bibi - bye bye
bicbw - but I could be wrong
bilf - brother i'd like to fuck
bilu - baby i love you
bion - Believe it or not.
biotch - bitch
bioya - blow it out your ass
bish - Bitch
biw - boss is watching
biwm - bisexual white male
bizatch - Bitch
bizi - Busy
biznatch - bitch
biznitch - bitch
bizzle - BITCH
bj - blowjob
bk - back
bka - better known as
bl - bad luck
bleme - blog meme
bling-bling - jewelry
blj - blowjob
blkm - Black Male
blnt - Better Luck Next time
blog - web log
blogger - web logger
bm - Bite Me
bm&y - between you and me
bm4l - best mates for life
bmf - be my friend
bmfe - best mates forever
bmfl - best mates for life
bmha - bite my hairy ass
bmttveot - best mates till the very end of time
bn - been
bndm3ovr - Bend me over
bnib - Brand new in Box
bnol - be nice or leave
bnr - banner
bobfoc - Body of Baywatch, Face of Crimewatch
boffum - Both of them
bofh - bastard operator from hell
bogo - buy one get one
bogsatt - bunch of guys sitting around the table
bohic - Bend over here it comes
bohica - bend over, here it comes again
boi - boy
bol - Barking Out Loud
boomm - bored out of my mind
bord - bored
bout - about
bovered - bothered
bowt - about
boxor - box
br - bathroom
brb - be right back
brbbrb - br right back bath room break
brbf - Be Right Back Fucker
brbg2p - be right back, got to pee
brbmf - be right back mother fucker
brbts - be right back taking shit
brd - bored
brh - be right here
bro - brother
bros - brothers
brt - be right there
bruhh - Brother
bruva - brother
bruz - brothers
bs - bullshit
bsmfh - Bastard System Manager From Hell
bsod - blue screen of death
bsomn - blowing stuff out my nose
bsxc - be sexy
bt - bit torrent
btcn - Better than Chuck Norris
btd - bored to death
btdt - been there done that
btdtgtts - Been there, done that, got the T-shirt
btias - Be there in a second
btsoom - Beats The Shit Out Of Me
bttt - been there, tried that
btw - by the way
btwn - between
bty - back to you
bubar - bushed up beyond all recognition
bubi - bye
budzecks - butt sex
buhbi - Bye Bye
bur - pussy
burma - be undressed ready my angel
buszay - busy
but6 - buttsex
butsecks - butt sex
butterface - every thing is hot but her face
bwpwap - back when Pluto was a planet
bwt - but when though
byeas - good-bye
byes - bye bye
bykt - But you knew that
byob - Bring your own Beer
byoc - bring our own computer
bytabm - beat you to a bloody mess
bz - busy
bzzy - busy
-----------
c 2 c - cam to cam (webcams)
c&c - Command and Conquer
c-p - sleepy
c.y.a - cover your ass
c/b - comment back
c/t - can't talk
c2 - come to
c2c - care to chat?
c2tc - cut to the chase
c4ashg - care for a shag
cancer stick - cigarette
cawk - Cock
cb - come back
cba - can't be arsed
cbb - can't be bothered
cbf - cant be fucked
cbi - can't believe it
ccl - Couldn't Care Less
cd9 - Code 9 (other people nearby)
celly - cell phone
cex - sex
cexy - sexy
cfas - care for a secret?
cfm - come fuck me
cg - Congratulations
char - character
chilax - chill and relax in one word
chillin - relaxing
chk - check
chronic - marijuana
chut - pussy
cid - consider it done
cig - cigarette
cigs - cigarettes
cihswu - can i have sex with you
cis - computer information science
cless - clanless
cluebie - clueless newbie
cm - call me
cma - Cover My Ass
cmb - comment me back
cmcp - call my cell phone
cmh - Call My House
cmiiw - correct me if I'm wrong
cmitm - Call me in the morning
cml - call me later
cmliuw2 - call me later if you want to
cmomc - call me on my cell
cmon - Come on
cmplcdd - complicated
cms - content management system
cn - can
cnc - Command and Conquer
cod - Call of Duty
code 29 - moderator is watching
code 8 - parents are watching
code 9 - Parents are watching
code9 - other people near by
cof - Crying on the floor
coiwta - come on i wont tell anyone
col - crying out loud
comp - Computer
compy - computer
congrats - congratulations
convo - conversation
coo - cool
cood - could
cos - because
cowboy choker - cigarette
coz - because
cpl - Cyber Athlete Professional League
cpm - cost per 1000 impressions
crazn - crazy asian
crm - customer relationship management
crp - crap
crs - can't remember shit
crunk - combination of crazy and drunk
cs - Counter-Strike
cs:s - Counter-Strike: Source
csl - can't stop laughing
ct - can't talk
ctc - call the cell
ctf - capture the flag
ctm - chuckle to myself
ctn - can't talk now
ctpc - cant talk parent(s) coming
ctrn - can't talk right now
cts - change the subject
ctt - change the topic
cu - goodbye
cu46 - see you for sex
cubi - can you believe it
cud - could
cuic - see you in class
cul - see you later
cul83r - See you later
cul8er - see you later
cul8r - See You Later
cunt - vagina
cuom - see you on monday
cuple - couple
cut3 - cute
cuwul - catch up with you later
cuz - because
cvq - chucking very quietly
cwmaos - coffee with milk and one sugar
cwot - complete waste of time
cwyl - chat with ya later
cya - goodbye
cyal - see you later
cyb - cyber
cybseckz - cyber sex
cye - Close Your Eyes
cyff - change your font, fucker
cyl - see you later
cyl,a - see ya later, alligator
cylbd - catch ya later baby doll
cylor - check your local orhtodox rabbi
cym - check your mail
cyu - see you
c|n>k - coffee through nose into keyboard
----------------
d.w - don't worry
d/c - disconnected
d/l - download
d/w - don't worry
d00d - dude
d2 - Diablo 2
d8 - date
da - the
dafs - do a fucking search
dah - dumb as hell
damhik - don't ask me how I know
damhikt - don't ask me how I know this
dass - dumb ass
dat - that
dawg - Friend
db - database
db4l - drinking buddy for life
dbafwtt - Dont Be A Fool Wrap The Tool
dbg - dont be gay
dc - don't care
dc'd - disconnected
dcw - Doing Class Work
dd - don't die
ddg - Drop Dead Gorgeous
ddl - direct download
ddr - dance dance revolution
def - definitely
defs - definetly
degmt - Don't Even Give Me That
dem - them
der - there
dernoe - I don't know
detai - don't even think about it
dewd - Dude
dey - they
df - Dumb Fuck
dfo - dumb fucking operator
dftc - down for the count
dfu - don't fuck up
dfw/m - Don't Fuck with Me
dfwm - Don't Fuck with Me
dgaf - don't give a fuck
dgara - don't give a rats ass
dgms - Don't get me started
dgt - don't go there
dh - dickhead
diaf - die in a fire
dic - do i care
dick - penis
diez - dies
diff - difference
dikhed - dickhead
diku - do i know you
dil - Daughter in law
dilf - dad i'd like to fuck
dillic - Do I look like I care
dillifc - do I look like I fucking care
dilligad - do I look like I give a damn
dilligaf - do I look like I give a fuck
dilligas - do i look like i give a shit
din - didn't
din't - didn't
dirl - Die in real life
dis - this
dit - Details in Thread
diy - do it yourself
dju - did you
dk - don't know
dkdc - don't know, don't care
dl - download
dlf - dropping like flies
dln - don't look now
dm - deathmatch
dmba* - dumbass
dmu - don't mess up
dmwm - don't mess with me
dmy - don't mess yourself
dn - don't know
dnd - Do Not Disturb
dno - don't know
dnrtfa - did not read the fucking article
dnt - dont
doa - dead on arrival
dob - date of birth
dod - Day of Defeat
dogg - friend
doin - doing
don - denial of normal
doncha - Don't you
dont - don't
dontcha - don't you
dood - dude
doodz - dudes
dos - denial of service
dotc - dancing on the ceiling
doypov - depends on your point of view
dp - display picture
dqydj - don't quit your day job
dsided - decided
dsu - don't screw up
dt - double team
dta - Dont Trust Anyone
dtp - Don't Type Please
dttm - dont talk to me
dttml - dont talk to me loser
dttpou - Don't tell the police on us
dttriaa - don't tell the RIAA
du2h - damn you to hell
dun - don't
dunno - I don't know
dvda - double vaginal, double anal
dw - don't worry
dwb - Driving while black
dwbi - Don't worry about it.
dwmt - don't waste my time
dwt - don't wanna talk
dwy - don't wet yourself
dy2h - damn you to hell
dycotfc - do you cyber on the first chat
dyec - Dont You Ever Care
dyk - did you know
dylm - do you love me
dylos - do you like oral sex
dynm - do you know me
dyt - Don't you think
dyw2gwm - do you want to go with me
dywtmusw - do you want to meet up some where
-------------------
e-ok - Electronically OK
e.g. - example
ead - eat a dick
ebitda - earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization
ecf - error carried forward
eejit - idiot
ef - Fuck
ef-ing - fucking
efct - effect
efffl - extra friendly friends for life
effin - fucking
effing - Fucking
eg - evil grin
eh? - I'm done talking now, it's your turn.
ehlp - help
eil - explode into laughter
el!t - elite
ello - hello
em - them
emo - emotional
emp - eat my pussy
enit - isn't it
enof - enough
enuf - enough
enuff - enough
eob - End of Business
eod - End of day
eof - end of file
eom - end of message
eos - end of story
eot - end of transmission
eotw - end of the world
epa - Emergency Parent Alert
eq - Everquest
eq2 - Everquest2
ere - here
errythin - everything
esad - eat shit and die
esadyffb - eat shit and die you fat fucking bastard
esbm - Everyone sucks but me
esl - eat shit loser
eta - Estimated Time of Arrival
etla - extended three letter acronym
etmda - Explain it to my dumb ass
eula - end user license agreement
ev1 - everyone
eva - ever
evaa - ever
evercrack - Everquest
every1 - everyone
evn - even
evry1 - every one
ex-bf - Ex-Boy Friend
ex-gf - Ex-Girl Friend
exp - experience
eyez - eyes
ez - Easy
ezi - easy
-----------------
f u - fuck you
f#cking - Fucking
f.u. - fuck you
f/o - fuck off
f00k - Fuck.
f2f - face to face
f2p - free to play
f2t - Free to talk
f4c3 - face
f4eaa - friends forever and always
f4f - female for female
f4m - female for male
f8 - fate
f9 - fine
fab - fabulous
faggit - faggot
fankle - area between foot and ankle
fao - for attention of
fap - masturbate
faq - frequently asked question
farg - fuck
fashizzle - for sure
fawk - fuck
fbimcl - Fall Back In My Chair Laughing
fbtw - Fine Be That Way
fc - fruit cake
fcfs - first come first served
fck - fuck
fckm3hdbayb - Fuck Me Hard Baby
fcku - fuck you
fcol - for crying out loud
fcuk - fuck
fe - fatal error
fer - for
ff - friendly fire
ffa - free for all
ffcl - falling from chair laughing
ffs - for fuck's sake
ffxi - Final Fantasy 11
fg - fucking gay
fgi - fucking google it
fgs - for God's sake
fgssu - For Gods sake shut up
fgt - faggot
fi - fuck it
fi9 - fine
fibijar - fuck it buddy, I'm just a reserve
fifo - first in, first out
figjam - fuck I'm good, just ask me
figmo - F*ck it - got my orders
fiic - Fucked If I Care
fiik - Fucked If I Know
fio - figure it out
fitb - fill in the blank
fiv - five
fk - fuck
fkin - fucking
fking - Fucking
fku - fuck you
flamer - angry poster
flames - angry comments
flicks - pictures
floabt - for lack of a better term
fm - fuck me
fmah - fuck my ass hole
fmao - freezing my ass of
fmb - fuck me bitch
fmbb - Fuck Me Baby
fmh - Fuck me hard
fmhb - fuck me hard bitch
fmn - Fuck me now
fmnb - fuck me now bitch
fmph - fuck my pussy hard
fmq - fuck me quick
fmr - fuck me runnig
fmutp - fuck me up the pussy
fn - first name
fnar - For No Apparent Reason
fnci - fancy
fnpr - for no particular reason
fny - funny
fo - fuck off
fo shizzle - for sure
fo sho - for sure
foa - fuck off asshole
foad - fuck off and die
foaf - friend of a friend
foah - fuck off asshole
fob - fresh off the boat
focl - Falling Off Chair Laughing.
fol - farting out loud
folo - Follow
fone - phone
foobar - fucked up beyond all recognition
foocl - falls out of chair laughing
fook - fuck
for sheeze - for sure
fotcl - fell off the chair laughing
fotm - Flavour of the month
fouc - Fuck off you cunt
fov - Field of View
foyb - fuck off you bitch
fo` - for
fp - first post
fpmitap - federal pound me in the ass prison
fpos - fucking piece of shit
fps - First Person Shooter
frag - kill
fragged - killed
friggin - freaking
frk - freak
frm - from
frnd - friend
fs - For Sure
fsho - for sure
fsm - flying spaghetti monster
fsob - Fucking son of a bitch
fsod - frosn screen of death
fst - fast
ft - FUCK THAT
fta - From The Article
ftb - Fuck That Bitch
ftf - face to face
ftfa - From The Fucking Article
ftfw - For the fucking win!
ftfy - Fixed that for you
ftio - fun time is over
ftk - For the Kill
ftl - For The Lose
ftlog - for the love of god
ftmfw - for the mother fucking win
ftp - file transfer protocol
ftr - For The Record
fts - fuck that shit
fttp - for the time being
ftw - For the win!
fu - fuck you
fua - fuck you all
fuah - fuck you ass hole
fub - fuck you bitch
fubah - fucked up beyond all hope
fubalm - fucked up beyond all local maintenance
fubar - fucked up beyond all recognition
fubb - fucked up beyond belief
fubh - fucked up beyond hope
fucktard - fucking retard
fuctard - fucking retard
fud - fear, uncertainty and doubt
fudie - fuck you and die
fugly - fucking ugly
fuk - fuck
fukin - fucking
fukn - fucking
fumfer - fuck you mother fucker
fuq - fuck you
fus - fuck yourself
fuu - fuck you up
fux - fuck
fuxing - fucking
fuxored - Fucked
fvck - fuck
fwb - Friends with Benefits
fwiw - for what it's worth
fxe - foxy
fxp - file exchange protocol
fy - fuck you
fya - for your attention
fyad - fuck you and die
fyb - fuck you bitch
fyc - fuck your couch
fyeo - For your eyes only
fyf - fuck your face
fyfi - For Your Fucking Information
fyi - for your information
fyl - For your Love
fym - fuck your mom
fyp - fixed your post
--------------
1
Comments
Internet Slang / Slang Translation
09.10.07 (4:28 am) [edit]
Internet Slang / Slang Translation
*g* - grin
g/f - girlfriend
g/g - got to go
g0 - go
g1 - good one
g2/-/ - go to hell
g2bg - got to be going
g2cu - glad to see you
g2e - got to eat
g2g - got to go
g2g2tb - got to go to the bathroom
g2g2w - got to go to work
g2gb2wn - got to go back to work now
g2gn - got to go now
g2gp - got to go pee
g2gpp - got to go pee pee
g2h - go to hell
g2hb - go to hell bitch
g2p - got to pee
g2t2s - got to talk to someone
g3y - gay
g4u - good for you
g4y - good for you
g8 - gate
g@y - gay
ga - go ahead
gaf - good as fuck
gafi - get away from it
gafl - get a fucking life
gagf - go and get fucked
gah - gay ass homo
gai - gay
gaj - get a job
gal - get a life
gamez - illegally obtained games
gaoep - generally accepted office etiquette principles
gawd - god
gb - Go back
gbtw - go back to work
gbu - god bless you
gby - good bye
gcad - get cancer and die
gcf - Google Click Fraud
gd - good
gd&r - grins, ducks, and runs
gd4u - Good For You
gday - Good Day
gdby - good bye
gded - grounded
gdgd - good good
gdi - God Damn it
gdiaf - go die in a fire
gdih - Go die in hell
gdmfpos - god damn mother fucking piece of shit
gdr - grinning, ducking, running
geto - ghetto
gewd - good
gey - gay
gf - girlfriend
gfad - go fuck a duck
gfadh - go fuck a dead horse
gfam - Go Fuck A Monkey
gfas - go fuck a sheep
gfe - Girl Friend experience
gfe2e - grinning from ear to ear
gfg - good fucking game
gfi - good fucking idea
gfj - good fucking job
gfo - go fuck off
gfu - go fuck yourself
gfus - go fuck yourself
gfx - graphics
gfy - good for you
gfyd - go fuck your dad
gfym - go fuck your mom
gfys - go fuck yourself
gg - good game
gga - good game all
ggg - Go, go, go!
ggnore - good game no rematch
ggp - gotta go pee
gh - good half
ghey - gay
gigig - get it got it good
gigo - garbage in garbage out
gilf - Grandma I'd like to fuck
gim - google instant messanger
gimme - give me
gimmie - give me
gir - google it retard
gis - Google Image Search
giv - give
gj - good job
gjial - go jump in a lake
gjp - good job partner
gjsu - god just shut up
gjt - good job team
gkys - Go kill yourself
gl - good luck
gl hf - good luck, have fun
gl&hf - good luck and have fun
glbt - Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgenderd
glf - group looking for
glhf - good luck have fun
glln - Got Laid Last Night
glnhf - Good Luck and Have Fun
glty - Good luck this year
glu - girl like us
glwt - good luck with that
gm - good morning
gma - grandma
gmab - give me a break
gmabj - give me a blowjob
gmafb - give me a fucking break
gmao - Giggling my ass off
gmfao - Giggling My Fucking Ass Off
gmod - Global Moderator
gmta - great minds think alike
gmtyt - good morning to you too
gmv - Got my vote
gmybs - give me your best shot
gn - good night
gn8 - good night
gnfpwlbn - good news for people who love bad news
gngbng - gang bang
gnight - good night
gnite - good night
gnn - get naked now
gno - going to do
gnoc - get naked on cam
gnos - get naked on screen
gnr - Guns n' roses
gnrn - get naked right now
gnstdltbbb - good night sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite
goia - get over it already
goin - going
gok - God Only Knows
gokid - got observers - keep it decent
gol - giggle out loud
goml - get out of my life
gona - Gonna
gonna - going to
good9 - goodnite
gooh - get out of here!
goomh - get out of my head
gork - God only really knows
gow - gears of war
goya - Get Off Your Ass
goyhh - get off your high horse
gp - good point
gpb - gotta pee bad
gpwm - good point well made
gr8 - great
gr8t - great
grats - congratulations
gratz - congratulations
grfx - graphics
grillz - metal teeth
grl - girl
grog - beer
grrl - Girl
grtg - Getting ready to go
gsad - go suck a dick
gsave - global struggle against violent extremists
gsfg - Go search fucking google
gsi - go suck it
gsoh - Good Sense of Humor
gsp - get some pussy
gsta - Gangster
gt - get
gtas - go take a shit
gtb - Go To Bed
gtfa - Go The Fuck Away
gtfbtw - get the fuck back to work
gtfh - go to fucking hell
gtfo - get the fuck out
gtfon - Get the fuck out noob
gtfooh - get the fuck out of here
gtfu - grow the fuck up
gtfuotb - get the fuck up out this bitch
gtg - got to go
gtgfn - got to go for now
gtgp - got to go pee
gtgpp - got to go pee pee
gtgtb - got to go to bed
gtgtwn - Got to go to work now
gth - go to hell
gtha - go the hell away
gthb - go to hell bitch
gthmf - go to hell mothafucka
gthu - grow the heck up
gthyfah - go to hell you fucking asshole
gtk - good to know
gtn - getting
gtr - Got to run
gtty - good talking to you
gud - good
gudd - good
gurl - girl
guru - expert
gw - good work
gwm - gay white male
gwork - good work
gwrk - good work
gws - get well soon
gwytose - go waste your time on someone else
gyal - girl
gypo - Get Your Penis Out
roflmfao - rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off
--------------
h&k - hugs and kisses
h*r - homestar runner
h/e - However
h/mo - homo
h/o - hold on
h/u - hold up
h/w - homework
h2 - Halo 2
h2gtb - have to go to the bathroom
h2o - water
h4kz0r5 - hackers
h4x - Hacks
h4x0r - hacker
h4xor - hacker
h4xr - hacker
h4xx0rz - hacker
h8 - hate
h82sit - hate to say it
h8er - hater
h8r - hater
h8s - hates
h8te - hate
h8tr - hater
ha> - hacker
hafta - have to
hagd - have a good day
hagn - have a good night
hago - have a good one
hags - have a great summer
hai - hello
hait - hate
hak - here's a kiss
hakas - have a kick ass summer
hammrd - hammered
han - how about now
hav - have
hawt - hot
hawtie - hottie
hax - Hacks
hax0r - hacker
hax0red - hacked
hax0rz - Hackers
haxer - Hacker
haxor - hacker
haxoring - hacking
haxors - hackers
haxorz - hackers
haxxor - hacker
haxz0r - Hacker
haxzor - hacker
hayd - how are you doing
hb - hurry back
hbd - happy birthday
hbic - head bitch in charge
hbu - how about you
hby - how about you
hc - how come
hcihy - how can I help you
hdop - Help Delete Online Predators
heh - haha
hella - very
heya - hey
heyt - hate
heyy - hello
hf - have fun
hfn - Hell fucking no
hfs - holy fucking shit!
hg - HockeyGod
hhiadb - Holy Hole in a Donut Batman
hhok - Ha Ha Only Kidding
hi2u - hello
hi2u2 - hello to you too
hiet - height
hiik - Hell If I Know
hijack - start an off topic discussion
hith - how in the hell
hj - hand job
hl - Half-Life
hl2 - Half-Life 2
hla - Hot lesbian action
hlb - horny little bastard
hld - hold
hldn - hold on
hldon - hold on
hll - Hell
hlm - he loves me
hlp - help
hlysht - Holy shit
hmb - hold me back
hmewrk - homework
hmfic - head mother fucker in charge
hmw - homework
hmwk - homework
hng - horny net geek
ho - hold on
hoas - Hang on a second
holla - hey
homey - Friend
homie - good friend
homo - homosexual
hoopty - broke down automobile
hott - hot
howdey - hello
howz - hows
hpb - high ping bastard
hpybdy - happy birthday
hre - here
hru - how r u
hrud - how are you doing
hs - headshot
hsik - how should i know
hsr - homestar runner
hss - horse shit and splinters
hswm - Have Sex With me
htc - hit the cell
htf - how the fuck
hth - hope that helps
htr - hater
http - hyper text transfer protocol
hud - Heads Up Display
huggle - hug and cuddle
hugz - hugs
hun - honey
hv - have
hve - have
hw - homework
hw? - how?
hwg - here we go
hwga - here we go again
hwk - homework
hwmbo - he who must be obeyed
hwms - hot wild monkey sex
hxc - hardcore
hyg - here you go
--------------
i <3 u - I love you
i c - i see
i8 - alright
i8u - i hate you
i<3 u - i love you
i<3u - I love you
iab - I Am Bored
iafh - I Am Fucking Hot
iafi - I am from India
iag - it's all good
iah - i am horny
ianabs - I am not a brain surgeon
ianacl - I am not a copyright lawyer
ianal - I am not a lawyer
ianalb - I am not a lawyer, but..
ianars - I am not a rocket scientist
ians - I am Not Sure
ianyl - I am not your lawyer
iasb - i am so bored
iatb - I am the best
iateu - i hate you
iaw - In Another Window
iawtc - I agree with this comment
iawtp - I agree with this post
ib - I'm back
ibcd - Idiot between chair & desk
ibs - Internet Bitch Slap
ibtl - In Before The Lock
ic - I see
icbi - i can't believe it
icbiwoop - I chuckled, but it was out of pity.
icbt - i can't believe that
icbu - I can't believe you
icbyst - i cant believe you said that
icgup - I can give you pleasure
icic - I See. I See
icp - insane clown posse
icsrg - I can still reach Google
ictrn - I can't talk right now
icty - i can't tell you
icu - i see you
icudk - in case you didn't know
icup - i see you pee
icw - I care why?
icwudt - I see what you did there
icydk - in csae you didn't know
icydn - in case you didn't know
id10t - idiot
idbtwdsat - i dont believe they would do such a thing
idc - I don't care
iddi - I didn't do it
idec - I don't even care
idek - I don't even know
idfc - i dont fucking care
idfk - i dont fucking know
idgac - i don't give a crap
idgad - I don't give a damn
idgaf - i don't give a fuck
idgara - I don't give a rat's ass
idgas - i don't give a shit
idgi - I don't get it
idjit - idiot
idk - I don't know
idkbibt - I don't know but I've Been Told
idke - I don't know ethier
idkh - I don't know how
idkh2s - i don't know how to spell
idkt - I don't know that
idkw - I don't know why
idkwts - I don't know what to say
idkwurta - I don't know what you are talking about.
idky - i dont know you
idkymb2 - I didn't know yoru mom blogs too
idly - I don't like you
idn - i don't know
idonno - i do not know
idop - it depends on price
idr - I dont remember
idrk - i don't really know
idrts - I don't really think so
idsw - i don't see why
idtkso - i don't think so
idts - i don't think so
idunno - i do not know
iduwym - I don't understand what you mean.
idwk - I don't wanna know
idwt - i don't want to
idwtg - I don't want to go
iebkac - issue exists between keyboard and chair
ietf - internet engineering task force
iff - if and only if
ifhy - i fucking hate you
iflu - i fucking love you
ifthtb - i find that hard to belive
ig5oi - I got 5 on it
igahp - I've got a huge penis
igalboc - I've got a lovely bunch of cocnuts
ight - alright
igkymfa - I'm gonna kick your mother fucking ass
igs - I guess so
igtgt - I got to go tinkle
igtkya - im going to kick your ass
ih2gp - I have to go pee
ih2p - i'll have to pass
ih8mls - I hate my little sister
ih8p - I hate parents
ih8u - I hate you
ih8usm - i hate you so much
ihac - I have a customer
ihat3u - I hate you
ihiwydt - I hate it when you do that
ihmp - i hate my parents
ihnfc - I have no fucking clue
ihni - i have no idea
iht - I heard that
ihtfp - I hate this fucking place
ihtgttbwijd - I have to go to the bathroom, wait I just did.
ihtp - I Have To Poop
ihu - I hate you
ihusm - i hate you so much
ihy - i hate you
ihya - i hate you all
iigh - alright
iight - alright
iirc - if I recall correctly
iistgtbtipi - If It Sounds Too Good To Be True It Probably Is
iitywybmad - if I tell you, will you buy me a drink?
iiuc - if I understand correctly
iiw2 - is it web 2.0?
iiwii - it is what it is
ij - indide joke
ijeomk - I just ejaculated on my keybord
ijf - i just farted
ijgl - I just got laid
ijit - idiot
ijpmp - I just peed my pants
ijpms - I just pissed myself
ik - i know
iki - i know it
ikm - I know man
ikr - I know really
ikwum - I know what you meant
ikwym - i know what you mean
ilbcnu - i'll be seeing you
ilcul8r - I'll see u later
ili - i love it
ilk2fku - I would like to fuck you
ilms - I love my self
ilotibinlirl - I'm laughing on the internet, but I'm not laughing in real life
iltf - i love to fuck
ilu - I love you
ilulafklc - I love you like a fat kid loves cake.
ilusfm - I love you so fucking much
ilusm - I love you So much
iluvya - i love you
iluwamh - i love you with all my heart
ily - i love you
ily2 - i love you too
ilykthnxbai - i love you k thanks bye
ilylafklc - i love you like a fat kid loves cake
ilylc - i love you like crazy
ilym - i love you more
ilymtyk - i love you more than you know
ilysfm - i love you so fucking much
ilysm - i love you so much
ilysmm - i love you so much more
ilysvm - i love you so very much
im - Instant Message
im'd - instant messaged
ima - I am a
imao - in my arrogant opinion
imb - I am back
imcdo - in my conceited dogmatic opinion
imed - instant messaged
imfao - In My Fucking Arrogant Opinion
imfo - in my fucking opinion
imh - I am here
imhbco - In my humble but correct opinion
imhe - in my humble experience
imho - in my humble opinion
imm - instant message me
imma - I'm going to
imnerho - In my not even remotely humble opinion
imnl - I'm not laughing
imnsho - in my not so humble opinion
imo - in my opinion
impo - In My Personal Opinion
impov - in my point of view
imsb - i am so bored
imts - I meant to say
imusm - I miss you so much
imvho - in my very humble opinion
imwtk - Inquiring minds want to know
imy - I miss you
imya - i miss you already
inbd - it's no big deal
indie - independent
inet - internet
inho - in my honest opinion
init - isn't it
inmp - it's not my problem
innit - isn't it
ino - I know
intarwebs - internet
interweb - internet
intpftpotm - I nominate this post for the post of the month
inttwmf - I am Not Typing This With My Fingers
invu - I envy you
ioh - I'm out of here
iokiya - it's ok if you are
iono - I don't know
iotd - image of the day
iou - i owe you
iow - in other words
ioya - I'd Own Your Ass
ip - internet protocol
irc - internet relay chat
irgtgbtw - I've really got to get back to work
irhtgttbr - I really have to go to the bathroom
irl - in real life
irly - I really love you
irt - in reply to
irtf - I'll return the favor
isbya - im sorry but you asked
isg - I speak geek
isianmtu - I swear I am not making this up
iso - In Search Of
isp - internet service provider
iss - im so sorry
istr - I seem to remember
itb - in the butt
itd - in the dark
ite - alright
itk - in the know
itt - in this thread
ityltk - I thought you'd like to know
itz - it's
iucmd - if you catch my drift
iukwim - if you know what i mean
iuno - i dunno
ive - i have
iw2fu - i want to fuck you
iw2mu - I WANT TO MEET U
iwbrbl@r - I will be right back later
iwc - In Which Case
iwfusb - i wanna fuck you so bad
iwhi - I would hit it
iwk - I wouldn't know
iws - i want sex
iwsn - i want sex now
iwtfu - i want to fuck you
iwtfy - i want to fuck you
iwthswy - i want to have sex with you
iwu - i want you
iwyb - I want your body
iydmma - if you don't mind me asking
iyf - In your face
iykwim - if you know what I mean
iym - I am your man
iyo - in your opinion
iyq - I like you
iz - is
--------------
j/a - Just Asking
j/c - just curious
j/j - just joking
j/k - just kidding
j/o - jackoff
j/p - just playing
j/w - just wondering
j00 - you
j00r - your
j2luk - just to let you know
j4f - just for fun
j4g - just for grins
j4u - just for you
jalaudlm - just as long as you don't leave me
jas - just a second
jbu - just between us
jc - just curious
jcam - just checking away message
jcath - Just chilling at the house
jdfi - Just fucking do it
jebus - Jesus
jeomk - Just ejaculated on my keyboard
jfc - Jesus fucking Christ
jfdi - Just Fucking Do It!
jff - just for fun
jfg - just for giggles
jfgi - just fucking google it
jfi - just forget it
jfk - Just fucking kidding
jflts - just felt like typing something
jfr - Just for reference
jfwy - just fucking with you
jgiyn - Just google it you noob
jhm - just hold me
jic - just in case
jit - just in time
jj - just joking
jj/k - just joking
jk - just kidding
jka - just kidding around
jking - joking
jm - Just Messing
jma - just messing around
jmo - just my opinion
jms - just making sure
jom - just one minuite
joo - you
jooc - just out of curiosity
jooce - Juice
joor - your
jp - just playing
jsing - just saying
jst - just
jsuk - just so you know
jsut - just
jtlyk - just to let you know
jtoi - just thought of it
jtol - just thinking out loud
jttsiowctw - just testing to see if other websites copy this word
jtysk - just thought you should know
jumping the couch - acting strange
jus - just
juss - just
juzt - just
jw - just wondering
jyfihp - jam your finger in her pussy
------------------
k3wl - cool
ka - Kick Ass
kafn - kill all fucking noobs
kah - kisses and hugs
kaw - kick ass work
kb - KiloBite
kek - laughing out loud
kewel - cool
kewl - cool
kfc - kentucky fried chicken
khitbash - kick her in the box and shove her
kia - Killed In Action
kicks - sneakers
kiled - killed
kinda - kind of
kir - kid in room
kis - keep it simple
kisa - knight in shining armor
kit - keep in touch
kitfo - knock it the fuck off
kiwf - Kill It With Fire
kk - ok
kkk - ku klux klan
kl - cool
kma - kiss my ass
kmao - kick my ass off
kmfa - kiss my fucking ass
kmp - kill me please
knackered - drunk
knewb - new player
knn - fuck your mother
kno - know
knw - know
kol - kiss on lips
koo - cool
kool - cool
kos - kid over shoulder
kotc - kiss on the cheek
kotl - kiss on the lips
kotor - Knights of the old republic
kots - keep on talking shit
kpc - keeping parents clueless
ks - kill steal
ktfo - knocked the fuck out
kthanxbi - Okay, thanks. Bye.
kthnxbai - Okay, thanks, bye
kthnxbye - Okay, thanks, bye
kthx - ok, thank you
kthxbai - ok thanks bye!
kthxbi - ok, thank you, goodbye
kthxbye - ok, thank you, goodbye
kthxbye - ok, thank you, goodbye
kthxmn - Ok Thanks Man
kthz - ok thanks
ktnx - Okay and Thanks
kuhl - cool
kutgw - Keep Up The good Work
kuwl - cool
kwim - Know What I Mean
kwis - Know what I'm saying?
kwit - quit
kwl - cool
kwtsds - Kiss where the sun don't shine
kyag - Kiss Your Ass Goodbye
kyfag - kiss your fucking ass goodbye
kyfc - keep your fingers crossed
kyko - keep your knickers on
kys - kill yourself
-----------
l'omg - lol omg
l0lz - laugh out loud
l2p - learn to play
l2r - Learn to read
l337 - elite
l33t - elite
l4m3rz - lamers
l8 - late
l84skool - late for school
l8a - later
l8er - later
l8r - see you later
l8rs - laters
l8rz - later
l8s - later
l8t - later
l8ter - later
l8tr - later
laff - laugh
lak - love and kisses
lalol - lots and lots of laughs
lam - leave a message
lamf - like a motherfucker
lappy - Laptop
larp - live action role-play
lat - laugh at that
lata - later
lates - later
latn - laugh at the newbs
latr - Later
latwttb - laughing all the way to the bank
lau - laugh at you
lawd - lord
lawl - lauging out loud with a southern drawl
lawl'd - laughed out loud
lawled - laughed out loud
lawls - laughing out loud with a southern drawl
lawlz - laughing out loud with a southern drawl
lbr - little boy's room
ldr - Long-distance relationship
lee7 - elite
leet - elite
legit - legitimate
leik - like
leme - let me
lemme - let me
lesbo - lesbian
less than 3 - love
less than three - love
lez - Lesbian
lezbean - lesbian
lezbo - lesbian
lezzzie - lesbian
lf1m - Looking for one more
lfg - Looking for group
lfm - looking for mate
lfp - looking for pussy
lfr - Laughing for real
lgb - lesbian/gay/bisexual
lgbnaf - lets get butt naked and fuck
lgf - little green footballs
lgn - link goes nowhere
lgot - let's go out tonight
lgr - little girls room
lgs - let's go shopping!
lhao - laughing her ass off
liek - like
lifo - last in first out
ligaff - like I give a flying fuck
ligafs - like I give a flying shit
ligas - like I give a shit
lih - Laugh in head
liita - love is in the air
lik - like
lil - little
limh - laugh in my head
lirl - laughing in real life
liyf - laughing in your face
lj - live journal
lk - like
llap - live long and prosper
llol - literally laughing out loud
lm4aq - Let's meet for a quickie.
lma - leave me alone
lmamf - leave me alone mother fucker
lmao - laughing my ass off
lmaol - laughing my ass out loud
lmaomtoaoa - Laugh my ass off many times over and over again
lmaonade - laughing my ass off
lmaootf - Laughing my ass off on the floor
lmaorof - Laughing my Ass off Rolling on the floor
lmaorotf - laughing my ass off rolling on the floor
lmaowtntpm - laughing my ass off whilst trying not to piss myself
lmaoxh - laughing my ass off extremely hard
lmb - lick my balls
lmbao - laughing my black ass off
lmbfwao - laughing my big fat white ass off
lmbo - laughing my butt off
lmclao - laughing my cute little ass off
lmd - Lick My Dick
lmfao - laughing my fucking ass off
lmffo - Laughing my fucking face off
lmfho - laughing my fucking head off
lmfpo - laughing my fucking pussy off
lmfto - laughing my fuckin tits off
lmgdao - Laughing My God Damn Ass Off
lmhao - laughing my hairy ass off
lmho - laughing my heiny off
lmip - LETS MEET IN PERSON
lmirl - Let's meet in real life
lmk - let me know
lmmfao - laughing my mother fucking ass off
lmmfaos - laughing my mother fucking ass off silly
lmmfas - laugh my mother fuckin ass off
lmmffao - laughing my mother fucking fat ass off
lmo - Leave Me One
lmoao - Laughing my Other Ass Off
lmp - lick my pussy
lmpo - laughing my panties off
lms - leave me some
lmsao - laughing my sexy ass off
lmso - laughing my socks off
lmtfa - leave me the fuck alone
lmto - laughing my tits off
lmtus - let me tell you something
ln - last name
lnk - Link
lobfl - Laugh Out Bloody Fucking Loud
lof - Laughing on floor
lofi - uncool
lofl - laugh out fucking loud
lol - laughing out loud
lol'd - laughed out loud
lol@u - Laugh out loud at you
lolarotf - laughing out loud and rolling on the floor
lolcano - laugh out loud
lolcity - the whole city laughs out loud
lold - laughed out loud
lolees - laugh out loud
lolerz - laugh out loud
lolin - laughing out loud
lollam - Laughing Out Loud Like A Maniac
lollercaust - an extreme event of hilarity
lollercoaster - laugh out loud (a lot)
lollerskates - laughing out loud
lolm - laugh out loud man
loln - laught out loud... not
lolngs - laghing out loud never gonna stop
lolocost - laugh out loud
lolol - saying "lol" out loud
lololz - laugh out loud
lolpimp - Laughing out loud peeing in my pants
lolrof - Laughing out loud while rolling on the floor.
lolrotf - laughing out loud rolling on the floor
lols - laugh out loud
lolz - laugh out loud
loml - love of my life
lomy - love of my life
loti - laughing on the inside
lotr - lord of the rings
lov - love
loxen - laughing out loud
loxxen - laughing out loud
lozer - loser
lpb - low ping bastard
lpiaw - Large Penis is always welcome
lpms - life pretty much sucks
lqtm - Laugh quietly to myself
lqtms - Laughing quietly to myself
lqts - laughing quietly to self
lrfl - Laughing really fucking loud
lrh - laughing really hard
lrqtms - laughing really quietly to myself
lshismp - laughed so hard I shit my pants
lshiwms - laughing so hard I wet myself
lsr - loser
lsudi - Lets see you do it
ltip - laughting until I puke
ltms - Laughing to my self
ltnc - Long time no see
ltns - long time no see
ltnsoh - Long time, no see or hear
ltp - Lay the pipe
ltr - later
lttpot - laughing to the point of tears
ltw - Lead The Way
lu2 - love you too
lu4l - love you for life
lub - laugh under breath
lug - lesbian until graduation
lul - love you lots
lulab - Love you like a brother
lulas - Love You Like a Sister
lulz - Laughing out loud.
lurker - one who reads but doesn't reply
luser - user who is a loser
luv - love
luver - lover
luvv - love
lv - love
lvl - level
lvn - loving
lvya - love you
lwih - look what I have
ly - love you
lyaab - Love you as a brother
lyaaf - Love you as a friend
lyao - laugh your ass off
lybo - laugh your butt off
lyfe - life
lyk - like
lyk3 - like
lyke - like
lyl - love you lots
lylab - love you like a brother
lylaba - love u like a brother always
lylad - love you like a dad
lylafklc - love you like a fat kid loves cake
lylam - love you like a mom
lylas - I love you like a sister
lylasa - love u like a sister always
lylno - Love you like no other
lyls - love you lots
lymi - love you mean it
lysm - love you so much
lyt - love you too
lzr - loser
--------------
6
Comments
Internet Slang
09.10.07 (4:25 am) [edit]
Internet Slang
09.10.07 (4:10 am) [edit]
Internet Slangs / No Slang
u iz a 304 - you is a hoe
u'd - you would
u'll - you will
u'r - you're
u'v - you have
u've - You've
u/l - upload
u/n - username
u2 - You too
u2u - up to you
u4i - up for it
ua - user agreement
uaaaa - Universal Association Against Acronym Abuse
uat - User Acceptance Testing
ub3r - super
uber - over
uctaodnt - you can't teach an old dog new tricks
uds - you dumb shit
udwk - you don't want to know
udy - you done yet
ufab - ugly fat ass bitch
ufia - unsolicited finger in the anus
ufic - Unsolicited Finger in Chili
ufmf - you funny mother fucker
ugba - you gay bitch ass
ugtr - you got that right
uhab - you have a blog
uhems - you hardly ever make sense
ui - User Interface
ujds - u just did shit
ul - unlucky
umfriend - sexual partner
un2bo - you need to back off
uom - You owe me
upcia - unsolicited pool cue in anus
upia - unsolicited pencil in anus
upw - unidentified party wound
ur - your
ur2g - you are too good
ura - you are a
uradrk - you're a dork
uraqt - you are a cutie
ure - you are
urg - you are gay
urs - yours
ursab - you are such a bitch
ursdf - you are so damn fine
ursg - you are so gay
ursh - you are so hot
urssb - you are so sexy baby
urstpid - you are stupid
urtb - you are the best
urtbitw - You are the best in the world!
urtw - you are the worst
urw - you are weird
uryyfm - you are too wise for me
ussr - The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
usuk - You Suck
usux - you suck
ut - unreal tournament
utfs - Use the fucking search
uttm - you talking to me?
uve - You've
uw - you're welcome
uya - up your ass
uyab - up your ass bitch
-------------------
vag - vagina
vb - visual basic
vbeg - very big evil grin
vbg - very big grin
vfe - Virgins 4 ever
vff - Verry Fucking Funny
vfm - value for money
vgh - Very good hand
vgl - very good looking
vid - Video
vids - Videos
vip - very important person
vlog - video log
vn - very nice
vnh - Very nice hand
voip - voice over ip
vry - very
vwd - very well done
vweg - very wicked evil grin
vzit - visit
-------------
w.b.s. - Write Back Soon
w.e - Whatever
w.e. - whatever
w/ - with
w/b - write back
w/e - whatever
w/end - weekend
w/eva - whatever
w/o - with out
w/out - without
w/u - with you
w00t - woohoo
w012d - word
w2g - Way to go
w8 - wait
w8am - wait a minute
w8ing - waiting
w8ter - waiter
w? - what?
wab - what a bitch
wad - without a doubt
wad ^ - what's up?
wadr - with all due respect
waf - weird as fuck
wafda - What a Fucking Dumb Ass
wafl - what a fucking loser
wafm - wait a fucking minute
wafn - what a fucken noob
wai - what an idiot
walstib - what a long strange trip it's been
wam - wait a minute
wamh - with all my heart
wan2tlk - Want to talk
wana - want to
wanafuk - wanna fuck
wanker - masturbater
wanking - Masturbating
wanna - want to
warez - illegally obtained software
wassup - what's up?
wasup - What's Up
was^ - What's Up
wat - what
wat's^ - Whats Up
watev - whatever
wateva - whatever
watevr - whatever
watevs - whatever
wats - whats
wats ^ - whats up
wats^ - what's up?
watz ^ - What's up
wauo - why are u oooing
wau^2 - what are you up to?
waw - what a whore
way? - what about you?
wayd - what are you doing
wayg? - where are you going?
wayh - why are you here
waysw - Why are you so weird
wayt - What are you thinking?
wayut - what are you up to
waz - what is
waz ^ - what's up
wazz - what's
wazza - what's up
waz^ - what's up?
wb - welcome back
wbagnfarb - would be a good name for a rock band
wbp - Welcome Back Partner
wbs - write back soon
wbu - what about you
wc - who cares
wc3 - Warcraft III
wcw - webcam whore
wd - well done
wdhlm - why doesnt he love me?
wdtm - what does that mean
wdum - what do you mean
wdut - what do you think?
wdutom - what do you think of me
wduwta - what do you wanna talk about
wdwdn - what do we do now
wdwgw? - where did we go wrong?
wdydt - why do you do that
wdye - What do you expect
wdys - What did you say
wdyt - what do you think
wdytia - who do you think i am?
wdyw - what do you want
wdywtdt - Why Do You Want To Do That?
webby - webcam
weg - wicked evil grin
wen - when
werkz - works
wev - Whatever
weve - what ever
wevr - whatever
wfh - Working From Home
wfhw - what's for homework
wfyb - whatever floats your boat
wg - wicked gril
wgaf - Who gives a fuck
wgasa - who gives a shit anyway
wgph2 - Want to go play Halo 2?
wha - what?
whaletail - thong
whatev - whatever
whatevs - whatever
whats ^ - whats up
what^ - what's up?
whf - Wanna have fun?
whit - with
whodi - friend
whr - where
whs - wanna have sex
wht - What
whteva - what ever
whtvr - whatever
wht^ - what up
wid - with
widout - without
wif - With
wilco - will comply
wio - without
wip - Work In progress
wit - with
wit? - who is this?
witcha - with you
witfp - What is the fucking point
witu - with you
witw - what in the world
witwu - who is there with you
witwwyt - what in the world were you thinking
wiv - with
wiwt - wish i was there
wjwd - What Jesus Would Do
wkd - wicked
wl - will
wlcm - welcome
wld - would
wmao - working my ass off
wn? - when?
wnkr - wanker
wntd - what not to do
wochit - watch it
woft - Waste of fucking time
wogge - what on god's green earth?
wogs - waste of good sperm
wombat - waste of money, brains, and time
woot - woohoo
wot - what
wotw - word of the week
wowzers - wow
woz - was
wp - wrong person
wpe - worst president ever (Bush)
wrdo - weirdo
wrgaf - Who really gives a fuck?
wrk - work
wrt - with regard to
wrtg - writing
wrthls - Worthless
wru - where are you
wrud - what are you doing
wsb - wanna cyber?
wshtf - when shit hits the fan
wsi - why should I
wtb - Want to buy
wtbd - what's the big deal
wtbh - What the bloody hell
wtc - what the crap
wtd - what the deuce
wtf - what the fuck
wtfaud - what the fuck are you doing?
wtfay? - who the fuck are you?
wtfayta - What the Fuck are you talking about?
wtfb - what the fuck bitch
wtfbs - What the fuck bull shit
wtfdik - what the fuck do i know
wtfduw - What the fuck do you want?
wtfdyw - what the fuck do you want
wtfe - What The Fuck Ever
wtfever - what the fuck ever
wtfh - what the fucking hell
wtfhwt - what the fucking hell was that
wtfigo - what the fuck is going on
wtfits - what the fuck is this shit
wtfiuwy - what the fuck is up with you
wtfiwwu - what the fuck is wrong with you
wtfiwwy - what the fuck is wrong with you
wtfiyp - what the fuck is your problem
wtfm - what the fuck, mate?
wtfru - what the fuck are you
wtfrud - What the fuck are you doing?
wtfruo - what the fuck are you on?
wtfs - what the fucking shit?
wtful - What the fuck you loser
wtfwjd - what the fuck would jesus do
wtfwt - what the fuck was that
wtfwtf - what the fuck was that for?
wtg - way to go
wtgp - Want to go Private
wth - what the heck
wtharud? - what the heck are you doing?
wthhyb - where the hell have you been?
wthigo - what the hell is going on
wthiwwu - What the hell is wrong with you
wthru? - Who the heck are you?
wths - want to have sex
wthwt - what the hell was that?
wtiiot - What time is it over there?
wtityb - whatever, tell it to your blog
wtly - Welcome to last year
wtmi - way too much information
wtp - where's the party
wts - want to sell
wtt - want to trade
wtv - Whatever
wtva - whatever
wtvr - whatever
wtwr - well that was random
wu - what's up?
wu? - what's up?
wub - love
wubmgf - Will You Be My Girlfriend?
wubu2 - what you been up to
wud - would
wugowm - will you go out with me
wula - what you looking at?
wuny - wait until next year
wussup - What is up?
wut - what
wuteva - whatever
wuts - what is
wutup - What's Up
wuu2 - what you up too
wuu2? - what you up to?
wuv - love
wuwh - Wish you were here
wuwt - what's up with that
wuwtab - what do you want to talk about
wuwtb - what do you want to talk about
wuwu - what up with you
wuz - was
wuza - what's up
wwcnd - What would Chuck Norris do
wwdhd - What would David Hasselhoff do
wwjd - what would jesus do?
wwtf - what was that for
www - world wide web
wwycm - when will you call me
wy - Why?
wyas - wow you are stupid
wybts? - were you born this sexy?
wyd - what are you doing
wygam - When you get a minute
wyhi - Would You Hit It?
wyhswm - would you have sex with me
wyltk - wouldn't you like to know
wylym - Watch Your Language Young Man
wym - What You Mean?
wyp - what's your problem?
wypsu - will you please shut up
wys - wow you're stupid
wysiayg - what you see is all you get
wysitwirl - what you see is totally worthless in real life
wysiwyg - what you see is what you get
wywh - wish you were here
wywo - while you were out
w\e - whatever
------------
x treme - extreme
xb36t - Xbox 360
xbf - ex-boyfriend
xbl - xbox live
xcpt - except
xd - extreme droll
xgf - exgirlfriend
xing - crossing
xit - Exit
xlnt - Excellent
xmas - christmas
xoac - Christ on a crutch
xor - hacker
xover - crossover
xoxo - hugs and kisses
xplaned - explained
xs - excess
xtra - extra
xtreme - extreme
xyz - examine your zipper
xyzpdq - Examine Your Zipper Pretty Darn Quick
----------
y w - you're welcome
y/o - Years Old
y00 - you
y2b - Youtube
y2k - year 2000
y? - why?
ya - yeah
yaafm - You Are A Fucking Moron
yaai - You are an idiot
yaf - you're a fag
yafi - you're a fucking idiot
yag - you are gay
yall - you all
yapa - yet another pointless acronym
yarly - yeah really
yasfg - you are so fucking gay
yasg - you are so gay
yaw - you are welcome
ybs - you'll be sorry
ycliu - You could look it up
yctwuw - you can think what you want
ydpos - you dumb piece of shit
ydufc - Why do fucking care?
yea - yeah
yer - you're
yermom - your mother
yew - you
yfi - you fucking idiot
ygg - you go girl
ygm - You Got Mail
ygp - you got punked!
ygpm - you've got a private message
ygtbkm - you got to be kidding me
ygtsr - you got that shit right
yh - yeah
yhbt - you've been trolled
yhf - you have failed
yhl - you have lost
yhpm - you have a private messge
yid - yes, I do
yim - yahoo instant messenger
yiwtgo - Yes, I want to go private
yk - you kidding
yki - You know it
ykisa - Your knight in shining armor
ykn - you know nothing
ykwya - you know who you are
ylb - you little bitch
ym - your mom
ymbkm - you must be kidding me
ymfp - Your Most Favorite Person
ymgtc - Your Mom Goes To college
ymiaw - your mom is a whore
ymislidi - you make it sound like i did it
ymmv - your mileage may vary
yng - young
ynk - you never know
ynw - you know what
yomank - you owe me a new keyboard
yooh - you
yor - your
youngin - young person
ypmf - you pissed me off
ypmo - you piss me off
ypom? - your place or mine?
yr - year
yrms - You Rock My Socks
yrs - years
yrss - you are so sexy
ys - you suck
ysa - You Suck Ass
ysal - you suck at life
ysati - you suck at the internet
ysf - you stupid fuck
ysitm - your shirt is too small
yss - you stupid shit
yt - You there?
ytf - why the fuck
ythwudt - Why the hell would you do that
ytis - You think I'm special?
ytm - you tell me
ytmnd - You're the man now, dog!
yua - you ugly ass
yuo - you
yup - yes
yur - your
yvw - you're very welcome
yw - you're welcome
ywapom - you want a piece of me?
ywia - You're welcome in advance
yws - you want sex
ywud - yo whats up dude
yysw - yeah, yeah, sure, whatever
---------
z'omg - Oh my God
zex - sex
zh - Zero Hour
zig - cigarette
zomg - Oh my God
zomgzorrz - oh my god
zoot - woohoo
zot - Zero Tolerance
zup - what's up?
--------------------
lol (Laugh Out Loud/Laughing out loudly)
lmao (Laughing My Ass Off)
rofl (Roll On Floor Laughing. Sometimes "rofl" and "lmao" are combined into "roflmao")
omg (Oh My God, sometimes "omfg" making: Oh My Fucking God)
sec (Just a second)
iirc (If I Remember Correctly)
afk (Away From Keyboard)
g2g (Got To Go, and sometimes Good To Go)
brb (Be Right Back)
btw (By The Way)
log (Log Off)
bio (Rest Room ex. "afk bio")
ftw (For the Win)
ne1 (anyone)
wtf (What The Fuck?)
stfu (Shut The Fuck Up)
ttyl (Talk To You Later)
jk (Just Kidding)
k (Okay)
kk (Okay)
imo (In My Opinion)
imho (In My Honest Opinion, In My Humble Opinion)
gtfo (Get The F*ck Out)
l2p (Learn To Play)
gg (Good Game; wishing someone a good game or, sarcastically, mocking someone who lost)
gl (Good Luck)
hf (Have Fun)
bff (Best Friends Forever)
0
Comments
Internet Slang
09.10.07 (4:07 am) [edit]
Internet Slangs
- AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."
- AFAIK — "as far as I know"
- AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"
- AFK — "away from keyboard"
- ASAP — "as soon as possible"
- BBL — "be back later"
- BBS — "be back soon"
- BFD — "big fucking deal"
- BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).
- BTW — "by the way"
- B2B — "Business to Business"
- C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.
- C|N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"
- cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.
- FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"
- FFS — "for fuck's sake!"
- FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends
- FYI — "for your information"
- G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.
- GAGF — "go and get fucked"
- GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.
- GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.
- GJ — Good Job
- HAND — "have a nice day"
- HTH — "hope this helps"
- IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.
- IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"
- IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .
ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know." - IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR
- IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"
- IMO — "in my opinion"
- IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"
- IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"
- IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC
- IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"
- JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"
- Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.
- JOOC — "just out of curiosity"
- k — short for "OK"
- l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".
- l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )
LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website". - LMAO — "laughing my ass off"
- LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)
- MYOB — "mind your own business"
- NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"
- NOYB — "none of your business"
- NP — "No Problem"
- NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.
- NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content
- O — "oh"
- OIC — "oh, I see"
- OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"
- OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"
- OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"
- OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."
- OT — "off topic"
- OTOH — "on the other hand"
- own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).
- PFO — "please fuck off"
- PITA — "pain in the ass"
- PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")
- prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)
- prolly — contracted form of "probably"
- plz — shorthand spelling of "please"
- Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )
P2P — Person to Person - qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.
- R — shorthand spelling of "are"
- RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).
- ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"
- r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"
- RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.
- RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.
- RU — Are You?
- R8 — right
- SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.
- STFU — "shut the fuck up"
- sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"
- TBH — "to be honest"
- thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)
- TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
- TIA — "thanks in advance"
- TTYL — "talk to you later"
- U — a shorthand spelling of "you"
- ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"
- w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever
- w/o — without
- WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"
- WTF — "what the fuck?"
- YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)
- w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team
- w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".
- X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].
- <3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.
- 2B - To be
- 4 - for
Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:
- cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.
- guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration
- FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.
- flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.
- hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.
- troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).
- lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.
- newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).
- noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
8
Comments
Internet Slang
09.10.07 (4:06 am) [edit]
Internet Slangs
- AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."
- AFAIK — "as far as I know"
- AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"
- AFK — "away from keyboard"
- ASAP — "as soon as possible"
- BBL — "be back later"
- BBS — "be back soon"
- BFD — "big fucking deal"
- BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).
- BTW — "by the way"
- B2B — "Business to Business"
- C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.
- C|N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"
- cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.
- FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"
- FFS — "for fuck's sake!"
- FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends
- FYI — "for your information"
- G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.
- GAGF — "go and get fucked"
- GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.
- GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.
- GJ — Good Job
- HAND — "have a nice day"
- HTH — "hope this helps"
- IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.
- IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"
- IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .
ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know." - IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR
- IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"
- IMO — "in my opinion"
- IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"
- IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"
- IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC
- IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"
- JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"
- Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.
- JOOC — "just out of curiosity"
- k — short for "OK"
- l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".
- l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )
LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website". - LMAO — "laughing my ass off"
- LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)
- MYOB — "mind your own business"
- NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"
- NOYB — "none of your business"
- NP — "No Problem"
- NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.
- NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content
- O — "oh"
- OIC — "oh, I see"
- OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"
- OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"
- OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"
- OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."
- OT — "off topic"
- OTOH — "on the other hand"
- own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).
- PFO — "please fuck off"
- PITA — "pain in the ass"
- PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")
- prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)
- prolly — contracted form of "probably"
- plz — shorthand spelling of "please"
- Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )
P2P — Person to Person - qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.
- R — shorthand spelling of "are"
- RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).
- ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"
- r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"
- RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.
- RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.
- RU — Are You?
- R8 — right
- SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.
- STFU — "shut the fuck up"
- sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"
- TBH — "to be honest"
- thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)
- TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
- TIA — "thanks in advance"
- TTYL — "talk to you later"
- U — a shorthand spelling of "you"
- ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"
- w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever
- w/o — without
- WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"
- WTF — "what the fuck?"
- YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)
- w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team
- w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".
- X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].
- <3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.
- 2B - To be
- 4 - for
Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:
- cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.
- guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration
- FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.
- flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.
- hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.
- troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).
- lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.
- newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).
- noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
0
Comments
Internet Slang
09.10.07 (4:06 am) [edit]
Internet Slangs
- AFAIC — "as far as I'm concerned", or "as far as I care", or "as far as I can..."
- AFAIK — "as far as I know"
- AFAIR — "as far as I recall", or "as far as I remember"
- AFK — "away from keyboard"
- ASAP — "as soon as possible"
- BBL — "be back later"
- BBS — "be back soon"
- BFD — "big fucking deal"
- BRB — "be right back" (usually used in chats and on an instant messenger service).
- BTW — "by the way"
- B2B — "Business to Business"
- C&V — Chapter & Verse. Used in newsgroups.
- C|N>K — a Unix -ism meaning "coffee through nose into keyboard"
- cya — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CU — "see you", used as a goodbye.
- CYS — "Check your settings". A phrase often said by technical support staff of a certain Australian ISP.
- FAQ — "Frequently Asked Question"
- FFS — "for fuck's sake!"
- FOAF — "friend of a friend", i.e. the dubious attribution given to urban legends
- FYI — "for your information"
- G2G — "got to go". Used in chatrooms.
- GAGF — "go and get fucked"
- GFY — "good for you" or "go fuck yourself". The use of this acronym is ambigious and not recommended.
- GG — "good going" or "good game". Used sincerely in online games such as trivia, but more often used sarcastically when someone has done something foolish. Also, it is now becoming customary for all players to say "gg" when the game is over in such games as Counter-Strike , unless a player is profoundly displeased with the outcome.
- GJ — Good Job
- HAND — "have a nice day"
- HTH — "hope this helps"
- IANAL — "I am not a lawyer". Usually used before a non-lawyer gives legal advice, as a humorous disclaimer.
- IANARS — "I am not a rocket scientist"
- IC — "I see", also, "in character" in MUDs and role-playing games .
ICYDK / ICYDN / ICUDK -- "In case you didn't know." - IIRC — "if I recall correctly" c.f. ISTR
- IMHO — "in my humble opinion" / "in my honest opinion"
- IMO — "in my opinion"
- IMNSHO — "in my not-so-humble opinion"
- IRC — "Internet Relay Chat"
- IRL - "in real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ISTR — "I seem to recall" (i.e. I'm not really sure) c.f. IIRC
- IYDMMA — "if you don't mind me asking", for ex., "IYDMMA, are you a virgin?"
- JJ or JK (j/k) — "just joking", "just kidding"
- Joo — synonym of you. Also spelled j00 with a lower case j and two zeroes rather than two O's.
- JOOC — "just out of curiosity"
- k — short for "OK"
- l8 — a shorthand spelling of "late".
- l8r — a shorthand spelling of "later", meaning "see you later" (see leet )
LIEK — synonym of like, as in "I like that website". - LMAO — "laughing my ass off"
- LOL — "laughing out loud", or "lots of laughs" (a reply to something amusing)
- MYOB — "mind your own business"
- NM (n/m) — "never mind" or "not much"
- NOYB — "none of your business"
- NP — "No Problem"
- NSFW — "Not safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) not suitable for the office, but for the home instead. Used by Fark . See SFW.
- NT — "No Text", used on Internet forums or Usenet to indicate that a post has no content
- O — "oh"
- OIC — "oh, I see"
- OMG — Exclamation, "Oh my God!!"
- OMFG — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking God!!"
- OMFL — Exclamation, "Oh my fucking lag!"
- OOC — "out-of-character&qu ot;. Used on MUDs and other role-playing games . Also, "out of curiosity."
- OT — "off topic"
- OTOH — "on the other hand"
- own - to defeat someone (used commonly when playing Counter-Strike ) or to humiliate someone tactically in a debate; something that is extremely cool (ex. BMWs totally own).
- PFO — "please fuck off"
- PITA — "pain in the ass"
- PO (PO'd) — "piss off" ("pissed off")
- prog — "computer program" (progz in plural)
- prolly — contracted form of "probably"
- plz — shorthand spelling of "please"
- Pwn — step up of the word own. To "Pwn something" means to have complete control over it, and to be "Pwned by something" means to be dominated by it. (see leet )
P2P — Person to Person - qoolz — something that is "cool" in the American sense.
- R — shorthand spelling of "are"
- RL — "real life". Used in MUD settings.
- ROFL (or ROTFL) — "rolling on the floor laughing" (a reply to something extremely amusing).
- ROFLMAO (or ROTFLMAO) — "rolling on the floor laughing my ass off"
- r0x0rz — leet speaks for "rocks"
- RTFA — "read the fucking article" applies mostly to Slashdot threads, for users who make comments on a story without having read it first.
- RTFM — "read the fucking manual" (often sanitized to "read the fine manual"). The frequent reply to a request for basic help from newbies who have not attempted to find the answer for themselves.
- RU — Are You?
- R8 — right
- SFW — "Safe for work." Material (pictures, webpages) that is safe for the office. Used by Fark . See NSFW.
- STFU — "shut the fuck up"
- sux0rs — leet speak for "sucks"
- TBH — "to be honest"
- thx — shorthand spelling of "thanks" - this can be combined into "kthx" (OK, thanks), "plzkthx" (Please, OK, thanks), and "kthxbye" (OK, thanks, goodbye)
- TTFN — Ta Ta For Now
- TIA — "thanks in advance"
- TTYL — "talk to you later"
- U — a shorthand spelling of "you"
- ur — a shorthand spelling of "you're"
- w/e — slang/abbreviation for whatever
- w/o — without
- WDUWTA —- "what do u wanna talk about?"
- WTF — "what the fuck?"
- YMMV — " Your mileage may vary " (you may see different results)
- w00t — exclamation of excitement or happiness; closely related to, "hell yea!" (short for woohoo) or We Owned the Other Team
- w8 — shorthand spelling of "wait".
- X > * — definition of something [X] is better than everything [*].
- <3 — "love" (made from the ASCII-art heart between the less than symbol and the three). Ex: I <3 you.
- 2B - To be
- 4 - for
Others express concepts peculiar to the Net:
- cluebie — a newbie with a clue, but not close to a guru.
- guru — an expert in some technical topic, such as as C programming or Unix system administration
- FAQ — frequently asked question, or a list of frequently asked questions with answers. Never seems to be written in small letters.
- flamer — one who 'flames'; To rant on about some relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous attitude or with hostility towards a particular person or group of people. "Flame" is used as a verb ("Don't flame me for this"), a flame is a single flaming message. Also is likely to relate to the term lamer.
- hijack — go offtopic. done commonly by newbies in forums.
- troll — a person who deliberately stirs up trouble (see article).
- lurker — one who reads an email list or a message board but does not participate in the discussion.
- newbie — a new user. Not a pejorative term (but see RTFM, preceding).
- noob — a new user. Also spelled n00b, with two zeroes rather than two O's
0
Comments
How to live a cheerfull life ! ! ! ! ! ! !
09.06.07 (3:21 am) [edit]
FIRST - Fully and unconditionally love yourself. Recognize your Divinity. Honor yourself.
SECOND - Unconditionally love and accept others. Recognize their Divinity and honor them.
THIRD - Take responsibility for your actions. You always have a choice; how you feel, act or what you say. Act, don't react.
FOURTH - Be a Master of Divine ex-pression. Live the Universal Laws of Love, Peace, Truth.
FIFTH - You create your life (by your choices, feelings and actions). Live in joy.
SIXTH - Let go and allow (let God). Listen to and follow, unconditionally, your small quiet voice; your spirit (God).
SEVENTH - Be thankful and humble. Give thanks for what you have and receive. Be grateful.
EIGHT - Your sustenance comes from inside you (God). Trust. You will always be provided for.
NINTH - Your body is the temple of your soul. Nurture and care for yourself.
TENTH - Live in the present moment. Life can only be experienced now.
1
Comments
Men vs. Women
09.06.07 (3:12 am) [edit]
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*******
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
*******
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
*******
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
*******
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
*******
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
*******
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
*******
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
*******
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
*******
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
*******
0
Comments
Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion
08.28.07 (3:26 am) [edit]
The Buddha explained how to handle insult and maintain compassion.
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."
Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"
The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."
The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger. If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."
"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."
The young man listened closely to these wise words of the Buddha. "You are right, o Enlightened One, "he said. "Please teach me the path of love. I wish to become your follower."
The Buddha answered kindly, "Of course. I teach anyone who truly wants to learn. Come with me."
6
Comments
THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS!
08.23.07 (2:23 am) [edit]
THE INDIAN WAY OF DOING THINGS!!!!!
Three contractors . . . one from India, another from Germany and the
third
from England are bidding to repair the White House fence. They go with a
White House official to examine the fence.
The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says. "I figure the
job
will run $900 . . . $400 for materials,
$400 for labour and $100 profit for me."
The German contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I
can do this job for $700 . . . $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and
$100 profit for me."
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and
whispers: "$2,700."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you.come
up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," the Indian explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire
the guy from Germany to do the work
1
Comments
wow wow i like it and u
06.08.07 (1:59 am) [edit]
Smooth road never makes good driver.
Silent sea never makes good sailor.
Clear sky never makes good pilots.
Problem free life never makes a successful person.
2
Comments
GOOD GIRLS VS. BAD GIRLS
06.07.07 (10:42 pm) [edit]
GOOD GIRLS VS. BAD GIRLS
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls pack their toothbrush. Bad girls pack their diaphragms.
Good girls prefer the missionary position. Bad girls do too, but only for starters.
Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
0
Comments
MARRIAGE MATHS
06.07.07 (10:33 pm) [edit]
MARRIAGE MATHS
Women who love sex + men who love sex = Loving home with Many children
Men who hate sex + Women who love sex = Broken home with Many Children
Men who love sex + Women who hate sex =Broken home with No Children
Men who hate sex + women who hate sex = Loving home with No children
0
Comments
Why Drink Coconut Water?
06.06.07 (8:21 pm) [edit]
Why Drink Coconut Water?
CocoWater is naturally:
> Low in Carbs
> 99% Fat Free
> Low in sugars Coconut Water contains organic compounds possessing healthy growth promoting properties that have been known to help:
Keep the body cool and at the proper temperature
Orally re-hydrate your body, it is an all natural isotonic beverage
Carry nutrients and oxygen to cells
Naturally replenish your body's fluids after exercising
Raise your metabolism
Promote weight loss
Boost your immune system
Detoxify and fight viruses
Cleanse your digestive tract
Control diabetes
Aid your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS
Balance your PH and reduce risk of cancer
Treat kidney and urethral stones
Boost poor circulation
0
Comments
Something Funny.......
05.31.07 (7:01 pm) [edit]
Something Funny.......
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don ' t know maths.
Ted: You don ' t know my father!
............
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
............
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can ' t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
............
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It ' s mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn ' t say anything.
------------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the sam e as your
brother ' s. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it ' s the sam e dog!
------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between ' unlawful '
And ' illegal ' ?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
" ' unlawful ' is when u do something the law doesn ' t allow and ' illegal ' is
A sick eagle."
------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean ' under water ' ?"
"They are all below ' C ' level"
0
Comments
World's Smallest resignation letter written by Sardar
05.29.07 (9:49 pm) [edit]
World's Smallest resignation letter written by Sardar
Respected sir,
I love your wife.
0
Comments
Why you could'nt get ur salary increased???
05.28.07 (9:34 pm) [edit]
Why you could'nt get ur salary increased???
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying:
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.
Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming for?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.
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Comments
10 RULES TO STAY YOUNG
05.27.07 (11:22 pm) [edit]
10 RULES TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let That is why you pay "them!"
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop" . And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is
with us our entire life, is
ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes,
;music, plants, hobbies,
whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county;
to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Comments
Before the marriage after the marriage
05.24.07 (2:07 am) [edit]
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!!!
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Comments
Humour
05.23.07 (8:57 pm) [edit]
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that youcan die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead
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Comments
Panchatantra story
05.23.07 (4:28 am) [edit]
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine,
sitting under a tree on the
banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the
Panchatantra story of his
childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.
The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The
engineer told her that he had lost
his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your
computer ?" Disappointed by
the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No,
not at all!!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she
could make the offer, the engineer
asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my
own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid idiot! The first two things I showed you
were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!" So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it is better keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!!!
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Comments
TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY BE A MATTER OF CONCERN
05.23.07 (4:25 am) [edit]
A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first
standard. My sister is in the third standard and
I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third standard too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave.
The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agrees to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third standard should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third standard."
The teacher says to the principal, "Hold on, let me ask him some questions"
The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal starts sweating.
Harry "Pockets." Now no reactions or special
face symbols dot Harry's face. He remains absolutely cool!
Teacher: What starts with a C & ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut
The principal's eyes open really wide, Harry was taking charge.
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
Harry: Bubblegum
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog on three legs?
Harry: Shake hands
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of
questions, answer me.
Harry (unfazed): Shoot.
Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
Principal gets restless and a bit tensed.
Harry: wedding ring
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: nose
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: arrow
The principal breathing a sigh of relief shouted at the teacher,
"Put Harry in the 5th standard, I missed the last ten questions myself."
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Comments
Learn to live..!!!!
05.20.07 (9:58 pm) [edit]
A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?' '50gms!'.... '100gms!'... '125gms'. ..the students answered.
'I really don't know unless I weigh it, 'said the professor,' but my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes? ''Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students. 'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?' 'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!' ventured another student & all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?'
Asked the professor. 'No'
'Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?' The students were
puzzled.
'What should I do to remedy this'? Asked the professor again.
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students. Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You
will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your
way!'
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Comments
Teacher / Sardar Joke
05.18.07 (8:13 pm) [edit]
Teacher: Why are you late?
Sardar: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Sardar: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
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Comments
During work, John and William were chatting...
05.17.07 (8:22 pm) [edit]
During work, John and William were chatting...
John: William, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
William: Oh! John: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
William: No John: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this. The next day, the same discussion took place:
John: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas? William: No John: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this. The next day, once again...
John: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
William: No John: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this. This time, William got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is George Hunt?
John: No William: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
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Comments
Marketing
05.17.07 (8:17 pm) [edit]
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing
2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.
Marry him." - That's Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing
4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the
car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations
5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's
Customer Feedback
7.You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. -That's demand
and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets
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Comments
MOST stupid questions
05.17.07 (8:07 pm) [edit]
MOST stupid questions ppl ask in obvious situaiton
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
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Comments
Think of words ending in "-gry"
05.17.07 (8:03 pm) [edit]
Think of words ending in "-gry". "Angry" and "hungry" are two of them.
There are only three words in the English language. What is the third
word? The word is something that everyone uses every day. If you have
read carefully, I have already told you what third word is.
If u already gave up - send this to your friends the answer will pop up
on the screen automatically.
1
Comments
Friends Forever
05.15.07 (7:16 pm) [edit]
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE."
THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH.
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE."
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"
THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED,
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT." ...
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Comments
CUTE LOVE STORY
05.13.07 (7:15 pm) [edit]
CUTE LOVE STORY
A BOY HAD CANCER AND HE HAD ONE MONTH TO LIVE.HE LIKED A GIRL WORKING IN A CD SHOP VERY MUCH.BUT HE DID NOT TOLD HER ABOUT HIS LUV.EVERYDAY HE WENT TO THE CD SHOP AND BOUGHT A CD ONLY TO TALK TO HER.AFTER A MONTH HE DIED.WHEN THE GIRL WENT HIS HOME AND ASKED ABOUT HIM, HIS MOM TOLD THAT HE DIED AND TOOK HER TO HIS ROOM.....................................SHE SAW ALL THE CD'S UNOPENED ...............THE GIRL CRIED N CRIED N FINALLY DIED.YOU KNOW Y SHE CRIED?ÇOZ SHE HAD KEPT HER OWN LUV LETTERS INSIDE THE CD PACKS.SHE ALSO LUVED HIM.............moral of the story:if u love someone......say to him directly don't wait for the destiny to play the role.............otherwise u will lose that person.
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Comments
Viagra Humour ( Just for enjoy)
05.11.07 (8:57 pm) [edit]
Viagra Humour ( Just for enjoy)
Viagra One-liner Jokes
-Generic Viagra is sold under the name Fix-a-Flat
- The man spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he's hard up.
- Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man took twelve pills and his wife died.
- ...Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.
- Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.
- The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive. The Viagra Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.
- A guy named Dave emailed us that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.
- For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better. Now, with Viagra, they're raising the dead!
- Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems - they couldn't close his coffin lid for 3 days.
- New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to rise right up.
Viagra Jokes -
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's.
Lady: "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right there on the table."
Doctor: "I'm sorry. We didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
Lady: "Naah...that's okay. We wouldn't go back to that restaurant anyway."
1
Comments
Perfect Equations
05.09.07 (1:02 am) [edit]
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
if Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
if, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs
Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!
Wish all the pigs to be happy forever.
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Comments
Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher
05.09.07 (12:58 am) [edit]
Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher
Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher
He will have to learn,
I know, that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician, there is a dedicated leader...
Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,
Steer him away from envy,
if you can, teach him the secret of quiet laughter.
Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick...
Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books...
But also give him quiet time to ponder
the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun,
and the flowers on a green hillside.
In the school teach him it is far honourable to fail than to cheat...
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong... Teach him to be gentle with gentle people, and tough with the tough.
Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd
when everyone is getting on the band wagon...
Teach him to listen to all men...
but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth,
and take only the good that comes through.
Teach him if you can, how to laugh when he is sad...
Teach him there is no shame in tears,
Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness...
Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders
but never to put a price-tag on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob
and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right.
Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him,
because only the test of fire makes fine steel.
Let him have the courage to be impatient...
let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself,
because then he will have sublime faith in mankind.
This is a big order, but see what you can do...
He is such a fine fellow, my son!
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Comments
Wisdom
05.03.07 (8:32 pm) [edit]
Three women wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one woman knelt down on her knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the woman became ery strong and swam across the river. The next woman thought: if it worked for her, it'll work for me. So she knelt down and prayed "Lord give the skills and the strength to cross the river." the woman built a canoe and rowed herself across the river. The last woman thought: if it worked for both of them, I know it'll work for me. So she also knelt down and prayed "Lord give me the wisdom and knowledge to cross the river." He turned into a man and walked across the bridge.
0
Comments
Humour
05.02.07 (8:08 pm) [edit]
Humour
A Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year
phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kanhave one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kanbe expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
If zis mad you smil, you may or may notpas on to oza pepl
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Comments
Relationship
05.01.07 (8:05 pm) [edit]
A Mom comes to visit her son James for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty James's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, James volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to James saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" James said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, jjust to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, James
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
Love,
Mom.
Lesson: Don't Lie to Your Mother...
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Comments
An absolutely Brilliant Joke, ENJOY!!!
04.30.07 (7:28 pm) [edit]
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. "
The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling
good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show
that women never listen!!!
Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies
who have a good sense :)
2
Comments
Love n Life
04.27.07 (11:15 pm) [edit]
Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruits.
-- Kahlil Gibran
------------------------- -
Happiness is NOT something you find,
It's something you create.
Nothing is this world is IMPOSSIBLE as
the word is "I M POSSIBLE ..."
0
Comments
do u think the bottles are safe ?
04.27.07 (9:06 pm) [edit]
do u think the bottles are safe ?
How to avoid:
Check on the bottom of the bottle there is a triangle sign and there will be a number on it.
If the number is higher than or equal to 5 --> then this bottle is safe to use.
Whatever number under 5 will release the chemical. For most bottle water, the number is 1.
Did you know chemical released by plastic water bottles can cause cancer (It is not the water that affecting you but the chemical releasing from the bottle)
0
Comments
Extreme Talent - good one
04.26.07 (11:55 pm) [edit]
Extreme Talent - good one
Junior Software engineer, a senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".
So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries."Pfufffff” and he was gone.
Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff” and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said,"I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 2.00pm"
Moral of the story is: Always allow the bosses to speak first
0
Comments
Position vs Performance
04.26.07 (9:07 pm) [edit]
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, " Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."
Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three ye ars."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."
"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"
"Results," ; shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
Moral: It's Performance, Not Position that Counts ....!!
0
Comments
Blind Girl And Her Boy Friend
04.25.07 (7:29 pm) [edit]
´♥`
´♥` There was a Blind Gal
´♥` WhO Hate Herself
´♥` cOz Of being Blind.
´♥` she Hate every1
´♥` Except her boy friend..
´♥` 1 day de Gal said
´♥` that if she can
´♥` Only c the wOrld
´♥` she will marry her boyfriend,
´♥` One day sOme1
´♥` dOnated eyes On her
´♥` & then she saw Every thing
´♥`including her boy friend ,
´♥` her boyfriend ask her,
´♥` "nOw that u can c ,
´♥` will u Marry Me?",
´♥` the gal was shOcked when
´♥` she saw her boyfriend
´♥` is alsO Blind,
´♥` & she refuse tO Marry him.
´♥` Her boyfriend walk away
´♥` with little smile & said,
´♥` " just take care Of
´♥` my eyes dear.....
0
Comments
Cow Economics: SOCIALISM COMMUNISM FASCISM NAZISM
04.24.07 (11:12 pm) [edit]
SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows
0
Comments
Unbelievable Story
04.24.07 (10:47 pm) [edit]
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a
Loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was
around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle
open.
He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep
it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot
the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by
its colour and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine
meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother
hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was
terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child
,he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
Scroll down...
Down.
Down...
ANSWER :
The husband just said " I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behaviour. The
child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to
keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she
needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.
That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would
be much fewer problems in the world.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to
blame,in the relationship,but by this way we miss out some warmth that is
needed... some things are not merely to blame..Remember always that life is
not that easy to understand as it seems...Never try to apply your logic
to understand every situation...Let life enjoy its own complexity..You
are just a small part of dis whole complic
0
Comments
James Bond And A Telugu Guy
04.19.07 (8:42 pm) [edit]
On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond."
Then Bond asks: "And you?"
Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...
Siva Rao...
Samba Siva Rao...
Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."
Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"
0
Comments
To realize the value
04.12.07 (1:32 am) [edit]
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...
To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
As k the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for none.
Treasure every moment you have.
0
Comments
Plan For Future
04.10.07 (9:32 pm) [edit]
Plan For Future :
Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future?
Ahmed : I want 2 b a pilot.
James : I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother.
Asif : I want 2 help Deepa.
Exams:
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!
Liar:
A man is dying of Cancer.His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom.
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and panic is when both are pregnant.
The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage
And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems. So beware of glance!
0
Comments
Hi Boss
04.10.07 (9:29 pm) [edit]
People who do lots of work...
make lots of mistakes
People who do less work...
make less mistakes
People who do no work...
make no mistakes
People who make no mistakes...
gets promoted
That's why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work
I need a promotion.
0
Comments
Complicating Obvious Things - Best Awarded Joke
04.09.07 (11:18 pm) [edit]
This particular joke won the award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and it was sent by an Indian...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Someone has stolen our tent".
What it brings out is how we tend to complicate issues and then miss the most obvious things. Too much knowledge is no help
unless we have the wisdom to guide it to an effective conclusion.
2
Comments
Don't DRIVE CAR WITH UR WIFE
04.09.07 (11:11 pm) [edit]
A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange took place.
The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 speed in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65 km."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80 km/p." (The man gave his wife a
dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks." (The man
gave his wife another dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
The ! man turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"
The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talk
to you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."
1
Comments
amazing historical facts of america
04.09.07 (10:38 pm) [edit]
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh? Send this to as many people as you can, cause: Hey, this is one history lesson people don't mind reading
4
Comments
C Program to Propose a girl
04.08.07 (9:35 pm) [edit]
C Program to Propose a girl*/
#include<STD ISD PCO.h>
#include<love.h>
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&a mp;ladies);
if(lady ==Cute)
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%",&a mp;reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover =Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc(sizeof(lov er));
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college);
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission){
coke++;
Popecorn++;}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30;time<= 8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home);
}
4
Comments
This is why India is shining
04.08.07 (8:42 pm) [edit]
IT IS NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED IN AMERICA.
An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on
business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of
security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41.The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"
The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"
Ah, the mind of the Indian...
This is why India is shining
0
Comments
Definition of Kiss
04.06.07 (1:18 am) [edit]
Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable!
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
0
Comments
eat the sandwiches
04.06.07 (1:14 am) [edit]
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said,”oh, come on, let’s eat the sandwiches.” Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”
0
Comments
Lady And 2 Men
04.06.07 (12:50 am) [edit]
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! . Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
The lady can’t take this any more, “You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,” she retorted indignantly. “In this country. we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’ .”
0
Comments
What is Politics?
04.04.07 (11:40 pm) [edit]
What is Politics?
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The "President".
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the "Government".
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the "People".
The nanny, we will consider her the "Working Class".
And your baby brother, we will call him the "Future".
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he
gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics
is all about."
The little boy replies, the "President" is screwing the "Working Class", while the "Government" is sound asleep. The "People" are being ignored and the "Future" is in deep shit."
0
Comments
Italian girl!!
04.03.07 (11:03 pm) [edit]
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl!!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for few months to see if it is a girl!!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are dangerously intelligent!
1
Comments
Humour : teacher & Tomy
03.23.07 (4:55 am) [edit]
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
TOMY : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
TOMY : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
TOMY : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
TOMY : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
TOMY : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
TOMY : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
TOMY : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
TOMY : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE? "
TOMY : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
0
Comments
For My Friends
03.23.07 (2:21 am) [edit]
_________________________ _______________
________ ****** _________*****__________
______ **********______********* _______
____***_________***__***_ _______***____
___***____________****___ ________***___
__***______________**____ _________***__
__***____HEARTBEATS R COUNTLESS____***__
__***_______SPIRITS R AGELESS_______***__
___***_______DREAMS R ENDLESS_____***__
____***FRIENDS LIKE U R PRICELESS__***___
_____***______thx_4_being _______***_____
______***_________MY_____ _____***_____
________***_____FRIEND___ ____***_______
__________***____________ __***_________
____________***__________ ***___________
_______________***____*** ______________
_________________******__ ______________
___________________**____ ______________
0
Comments
Tooth extraction
03.22.07 (11:43 pm) [edit]
A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.
"£85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"
"That's the normal charge," said the dentist .
"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"
"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.
"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40".
"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"
It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5. But it's going to be very traumatic."
"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"
0
Comments
Something for your Valentine
03.22.07 (3:31 am) [edit]
Something for your Valentine
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you
'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the
roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so
is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
0
Comments
What Man Discovered And What Woman Discovered
03.22.07 (1:27 am) [edit]
Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT;
woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION;
woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD;
woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE;
woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY;
woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
0
Comments
